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I told some friends yesterday that I woke with a heavy feeling of anxiety. I prayed throughout the day for God to help me and He truly sustained me. I am just about finished reading The Life and Diary of David Brainerd, who lived in the 1700’s. This book has taught me how God sustains us IN our trials, THROUGH our trials. He doesn’t always remove them. Brainerd struggled with depression most of his life. I was able to read how God used the struggle with depression to draw Brainerd to Himself and mold and shape him into the image of Christ – not only for God’s glory but for Brainerd’s good. What a love relationship he had with the Lord. I remember back to a blog I wrote in 2015 about how these trials and difficulties are doing a good work in us. I wanted to share it today…
08.04.15
It was Saturday night and as usual, Mark and I set our sites on getting in bed early since Sunday is always full of activity with LifeHouse Church. I turned out the light and dropped into bed over-exhausted. Our recent 17 hour road trip home from vacation was finally catching up to us! As I lay there quietly, I noticed Mark tossing and turning next to me. Minutes turned into hours and we were both still very wide awake. Not only that, but there was an overwhelming feeling of anxiety that had come over us.
I have to admit, this feeling has come upon us more than once in the past six months, and when the feeling comes, I pray like crazy. There’s a spiritual battle going on. I’ve read about it often in scripture. Could this feeling be from our choice to get closer to the front lines? Answering the call, as I mentioned in a recent blog post, has required a whole lot of “on the job training.” Saturday night was yet another training drill.
I began to pray. And I prayed. I asked God for peace to come over us. I asked God for the anxiety to vanish. I asked Him to give us the sleep we so desperately needed. Thirty more minutes. An hour. Then two. Why hadn’t we felt the immediate peace I requested? Why hadn’t God just swooped in and knocked us out with magic sleepy dust. Why did we have to wait so long for sleep to finally win over us? Was God listening?
There have been plenty of times I’ve wanted God to move more quickly. Or I’ve wanted Him to answer a prayer according to my plan. But there-in lies the problem. My purposes are flawed. My desires are short sited. He has much more in store for me than simply to defend my post in this “battle.”
He’s refining me.
Like a loving parent teaching their child to walk and requiring them to take those unassisted steps, He’s training me to walk with confidence. And like a parent, His arms are spread wide, His eyes on every step I take. And He’s celebrating. He’s refining me.
PINIMAGEMy favorite author, Amy Carmichael shared a wonderfully profound word picture in her book, “Rose From Brier”:
“One day we took the children to see a goldsmith refine gold after the ancient manner of the East. He was sitting beside his little charcoal fire. (“He shall sit as a refiner”; the gold- or silversmith never leaves his crucible once it is on the fire.) In the red glow lay a common curved roof tile; another tile covered it like a lid. This was the crucible. In it was the medicine made of salt, tamarind fruit and burnt brick dust, and embedded in it was the gold. The medicine does its appointed work on the gold, “then the fire eats it,” and the goldsmith lifts the gold out with a pair of tongs, lets it cool, rubs it between his fingers, and if not satisfied puts it back again in fresh medicine. This time he blows the fire hotter than it was before, and each time he puts the gold into the crucible, the heat of the fire is increased; “it could not bear it so hot at first, but it can bear it now; what would have destroyed it then helps it now.” “How do you know when the gold is purified?” we asked him, and he answered, “When I can see my face in it [the liquid gold in the crucible] then it is pure.”
Are you being refined? Has God increased the flame of difficulty in your life in order to bring His reflection in you? Are your steps hard and your footing unsure? Don’t worry. God is right there. His arms ever stretched wide to catch you. He celebrates His work in you. He is removing the dross (the impurities that rise to the surface as metal is heated to bring the metal to a purified state.) He will not quit. He just loves us too much.
Job 23:10 But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested* me, I will come forth as gold.
*The word “tested” is used here not in the sense that we understand “testing”. God is not measuring our ability or worthiness. Testing here is used in relation to the refining of precious metal. A refiner will work to bring metal to a pure state – free from impurities and then (test/assay) it to see if the gold has completely separated from the dross.
He is at work and I will come forth as gold.
