Psalm 55
20 As for my companion, he betrayed his friends;
he broke his promises.
21 His words are as smooth as butter,
but in his heart is war.
His words are as soothing as lotion,
but underneath are daggers!
22 Give your burdens to the Lord,
and he will take care of you.
He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.
Enemies are bad, yes, but frienemies are worse! What’s a frienemie? The first time I heard the word it was in a song by Andy Mineo called Uncomfortable. (One of my favorite songs by the way.) Basically a frienemie is an enemy parading as a friend. Yuck.
A frienemie is an enemy parading as a friend.
This is nothing new. David had frienemies. While reading in Psalm 55 this morning, I came across an account where he deals directly with betrayal of a supposed friend.
Notice the weapon of choice for a frienemie is the tongue.
- He was his companion.
- “His words are soothing.”
- “His words are smooth as butter.”
Yet behind his back:
- “he betrayed his friends”
- “in his heart is war”
- “underneath his words are daggers”
PINIMAGEI remember as a teenager and even into my twenties, I struggled with gossip. I was keenly aware when I would enter into such behavior and yet time and time again, I would find myself there.
I truthfully recall a time in my early twenties that I felt deep remorse for the fact that I would partake in opportunity to gossip. I would say in my heart, “I wish I could be a loyal friend. Why do I jump in when gossip stirs?”
In fact, there were times I knew that what was being said was either taken out of context or inaccurate in some way but it didn’t stop me from being a part of it. Other times, the conversation might have been based on truth but we would’ve never spoken it to the subject’s face. Perhaps the person we were discussing was someone I naturally didn’t care for. This gave me fuel in my conversation because in some sense I felt they deserved the cutting words.
What a small person I allowed myself to become by engaging in gossip. Once I walked away from the conversation I often felt uneasy and longed for a “do-over”.
The bottom line is my propensity to gossip had nothing to do with those who we maligned and EVERYTHING to do with my own heart.
Gossip was my behavior. I couldn’t blame another for what I was doing wrong.
Engaging in gossip is Satan’s lie to us. He tells us we will connect with this particular individual on a deeper level if we together discuss another individual’s flaws. In reality, gossip steals from everyone!
Gossip steals from everyone!
Did you know that gossip is one of the many counterfeits Satan uses us to keep us from what we truly seek? God designed relationship. He designed women uniquely to thrive in relationship. We are relational creatures. When we engage in healthy relationships and we approach them with healthy habits, we encounter deep abiding life long friendships. I know its what our hearts desire.
How about you? Are you a frienemie? Or are you a trust worthy friend.
One reason people cannot be loyal friends is because they are looking to friendship/relationship to fill them up instead of God. Relationships become very fragile and full of expectation. When a friendship fails, people are left to pick up the pieces. Instead of looking inside to see where things may have gone wrong, it’s easier to point a finger and gossip to others about the fractures that led to the relationship’s demise.
Those who are grounded in the Lord and His Word can withstand relational stress. In fact, the person who fixes his/her eyes on the Lord for their contentment can enter into friendship with the ability to actually pour into the relationship instead of demand from it. This develops God glorifying, deeply fulfilling relationships. I am still tempted today sometimes to take part in gossip. I am thankful that I recognize it and can make a choice to say no. It’s an active decision I must make and when I fail I can go to God, ask Him for forgiveness, make things right, and move forward.
I want to be a trustworthy friend. God speaks extensively to us in His Word about friendship and the treatment of others. And it’s no surprise that God desires change in us to be heart change BEFORE behavior change.
Colossians 3:12-14 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
Romans 12:10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Out do one another in showing honor.
Ephesians 4:29-32 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
When it comes to relationships God teaches us to walk in godly character. He fills us up and we are able to pour into the lives of others.
Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.
1 Cor 15:33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”
Proverbs 16:28 A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.
Luke 6:31 And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.
I want to close with this:
- First of all I want to say thank you to my trustworthy friends. It’s a true gift you give to me.
- Second, the reality is that we all have frienemies but we don’t have to be one. Whether you’ve been wounded in a relationship or you feel you need to deal with the issue in your own heart, God is willing and waiting to restore. He is faithful and good. He will guide you into healthy relationships. And more importantly HE is all you need.
My prayer today is to ask God to bring to my attention the dangers of falling into gossip (even though it may be subtle) and to convict me to resist it. Just say no. We may lose a few friends by not joining in when gossip begins but the ones we gain over time as we grow in trustworthiness will be worth it!
“Is any pleasure on earth as great as a circle of Christian friends by a good fire?” C S Lewis
