You can’t predict it. You never know when an opportunity will arise for a “moment” with your teenager. I’m talking about the moments when you walk away and think to yourself, “Hey, they’re listening. Our hopes and desires for their good are sinking down into their hearts.” Often you wonder if they are hearing a word you say. And so moments like the one I had this week with my 14 year old daughter, Abby, are golden. .jpg)
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We were headed to my parents house when Abby said to me, “Mom, I met a really nice girl at school. She’s a little older than me. I feel bad for her.”
I asked why. She replied, “She had a boyfriend and they ended up sleeping together. (This is where I almost choked on my gum.) Then he dumped her.” She continued, “It’s just so sad because she’s such a nice girl and I can tell she’s really affected by it. People at school are talking about it.” She went on to talk about how some of the boys at school saw girls as a conquest. They looked at physical intimacy as a game. What struck me was her sadness for both the guys and the girls and their casual view of sex.
After I told Abby she couldn’t date until she was 25, I turned to more serious conversation. Just as I began to open my mouth to speak, a sad thought that ran through my mind. “What I’m about to say to Abby will actually sound old-fashion in this ‘if it feels good do it’ culture we live.” She’s being taught by society to “make responsible choices” about sex and “be informed”, use protection, and on and on. Well, Abby saw where this philosophy left her new friend. With just 14 short years of experience how can one make an ‘informed, mature’ decision? How does one “protect” their heart? How can a child of 14 or 15 know the future effects their present choices will carry? It was apparent to all who knew her friend that her choice had left her hollow and wounded.
I said to Abby, “When you are intimate with someone, you give a little bit of yourself away. You can’t get it back. It’s your gift to them in a way. What they do with that gift is out of your control.”
I continued, “Abby, God tells us in His Word to save sex for marriage. Not because He’s trying to be mean or keep you from ‘fun’. But because He loves you and knows how He intended for intimacy to work. He designed it and it’s beautiful in the guidelines He set for it. When we do things God’s way, we experience the beauty and blessing of intimacy. You give yourself to another who, in turn, gives himself to you. It’s powerful. But when we step outside of that plan, we experience emptiness. Each time you are intimate with someone new, you give a little more of yourself away. You can’t get it back. She will pass this boy in the halls at school. He will see her as just an old fling – one of the girls. But she gave something very precious away. In fact, even though he may not see it, he did too.”
I shared the passage John 10:10 with her. The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy.
I said, “Abby, Satan wants to steal your purity, kill your dreams and destroy your future.”
Maybe you’ve heard all this before. Maybe you’ve heard it more than once. You may be thinking, “Tammy, I don’t need to hear a talk like this. I’m married with children (or something like that).” But as I was talking to Abby it hit me. I began thinking about the phrase “the thief’s purpose is to steal”. It’s his aim, his goal – to rob us.
If it’s Satan’s job to steal from us, if that’s his intention…in what way could he be trying to steal from you right now?
Did you ever think about the fact that a person doesn’t know it when they’re being robbed? That’s the point. When a thief steals, he doesn’t tell you. He does it when you’re unaware. You usually don’t realize your being robbed until you feel the void, until you find that something’s missing.
You usually don’t realize your being robbed until you feel the void, until you find that something’s missing.
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PINIMAGEI remember returning home from church as a little girl with my parents. I was probably 8 or 9. While we were gone we had been robbed. I remember walking into our living room and our cumbersome wooden console TV was not where it usually sat. Our stereo, also quite large, was gone. I walked into the kitchen and noticed our toaster was not where I usually make my toast. I’m sure a whole lot more was taken but those things stuck out in my little mind. We never saw the thief. We never retrieved the items. I would go to bed afraid and feeling vulnerable.
Before we were robbed, I never thought of the thief. After things went missing I couldn’t get him out of my mind. It’s sad that one often has to feel the point of loss before they seriously consider the danger of being robbed. So I ask you, are you being robbed? If you were would you know it?
It’s sad that one often has to feel the point of loss before they seriously consider the danger of being robbed.
Satan is out to take all that he can from us:
- Our families
- Our joy
- Our dreams
- Our future
My point is not to cause you to walk through life paranoid and suspect. We don’t have to. Instead we can find shelter and safety in the arms of God.
Psalm 91:4 says, He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
The best part about the verse I shared with Abby while we talked was the last part of it.
The whole verse says, The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My (Christ’s) purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. John 10:10
I told her, “Abby, yes, we have to be on guard and watchful for the thief. But the great news is that Christ has a plan for you. He desires to give you a rich and satisfying life. That’s what I pray every day for you Abby – to have all that God desires for you, including someone to love.”
Some who are reading my blog know what it feels like to be robbed. Whatever the story, you believed a lie or turned you back for just a moment and were left with a gaping hole. Be encouraged today. Christ wants to give you a rich and satisfying life.
2 Corinthians 5:17 says, Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
Our journey through the teen years is far from over. There will be many talks, many prayers and many hopes for my children. I will continue to point them to God and His Word as we navigate through this rocky terrain. One thing I know is true, as we draw close to Him, we need not fear being robbed.
Jess - Thank you for your post. I was that girl, but I was also 26. 26 with a 16 year old heart. I met a man who told me he was a pastor and that he loved me and that we were already married before God because we were married in our hearts. He gave me scripture to back it up. He could make my head spin and I fell fast and I fell hard. I believed him. I gave myself to him in love believing his lie. He used and abused me and 3 months later left me in a heap of shame. I had waited 26 years and I waited for my husband of which I believed him to be. 4 months after that he married another woman and this time legally. I was crushed. I still can feel the void. But God…. He wrapped himself around me, made me whole and led me right into the arms of my best friend of 8 years. The prayers of a mother are powerful. My mom would not accept any part of my relationship with that deceitful man and she prayed diligently for me. I am so great ful. Be blessed.
Candie - I had this same conversation with my daughter last night. I said many of the same things to her. She wanted to know why God only left intimacy for marriage and I told her the emotional price you pay puts you in bondage and God wants us to be free from that. How it is so much more than the physical part. It takes a piece away we never get back. I shared many scriptures with her and I hope she was listening.
It concerns me how our kids are just bombarded with sexual content even at an early age ….even when they (and we) don’t realize it. How they are challenged each day in this area even at the smallest level.
All we can do is lead our children in the way they should go and pray they always seek FIRST the kingdom of God before they ever make choices that can steal from them.