In less than two months, my baby girl (my firstborn) will be getting married! Now I’m going to say all the things that parents say,
“Where did the time go?!”
“She’s still my baby.”
“Don’t blink.”
But seriously…where did all the time go?
At the start of our marriage, Mark and I would talk about how many children we wanted, what we envisioned our family would look like – all the questions and dreams you plan for yourself. You get the idea.
But when I found out I was pregnant for the first time, (I can still see the moment in my mind’s eye when the line appeared on the pregnancy test and my disbelief that I was actually pregnant.) I immediately began to worry about the possibility of having a girl.
It pains me to say it, but at 29, when I shared the news with my co-workers and friends that I was expecting, they lightheartedly joked, “YOU! Having a baby?!” They knew I was always toiling over the project at hand and immersed in my work, keeping a hectic pace. I guess I didn’t give off the “motherly” vibe. I often wondered to myself if I would make a good mom.
I can’t say precisely why having a girl scared me more than a boy. I used to say, “Boys love their mommas, but girls don’t always.” I’d seen mothers and daughters go head-to-head and have lifelong strife. So I wondered to myself if I had a girl, would she hate me?
I’d find out soon enough because, before long, we learned we were having a baby girl.
Beautiful Abby-Jane.
The birth story was a crazy one. Abby was in the NICU, and I was very sick. We both needed medical intervention. But I felt that early struggle knit us together. We were going to get through this – my little girl and me. I learned right out of the gate the lengths a mother would go to fight for her child.
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PINIMAGESeveral weeks after Abby was born, the hospital released us to go home. I remembered thinking, “So we get to just take this baby out of the hospital and leave? We are in charge of it? No nurses?” We were both on edge as we drove home really, really slow.
I was pleasantly surprised to see Mark’s attentiveness to Abby, and I knew right away he would be an amazing dad. He even made up a song to sing to her when he would rock her to sleep. It was to the tune of Edelweiss. He sang it over and over through the years.
“Abby Jane, Abby Jane, she is our little girl.
Small and bright, cute and nice.
She is our little girl.
Blossom and go,
won’t you bloom and grow,
bloom and grow forever.”
Abby Jane, Abby Jane, she is our little girl.”
Mark’s song for Abby
And she did grow!
On August 27, Abby will marry a wonderful young man who loves the Lord, and they will begin their own life together.
It seems odd to write a blog post that jumps from birth to marriage, but that’s just how it went – a blink of an eye, and here we are.
So I’ll give you the cliff notes on lessons Mark and I learned in the past 21 years and continue to try to remember.
Parenting tip #1: PRAY. A lot! Like it’s your job. Because it is. It’s the one thing I know I did 100% right. I prayed. Do your best to surrender your kids to God in prayer and to ask Him to have His way in their lives. By the way, it’s never too late to begin.
Parenting tip #2: Don’t expect all the life-changing experiences in your life – those experiences that moved you toward God and enriched your relationship with Him – to be the ones He uses to draw them to Himself. It doesn’t have to be the same college, the same career, the same…anything. In fact, God enjoys variety, and He never has to write the same story twice. Trust me, I know. God spent most of Abby’s growing-up years teaching me this lesson. Instead of insisting they have a plan for their future, urge them to be asking God where He’s leading them and then wait on Him.
Parenting tip #3: Live what you want your kids to learn. Kids sniff out hypocrisy like a dog on a hunt, and they want no part of it. In case you didn’t know, they will become who you are, like it or not.
Parenting tip #4: Learn to surrender your children to the Lord fully and then learn to trust Him even when you can’t see the plan. The sooner you stop controlling your children, the sooner they will realize important decisions are up to them, and they will need to choose wisely. That’s when they will look at you and ask (remember parenting tip #2.), “What would my parents do?” Then, depending on their view of you, they will make their choice to follow your lead or do the opposite. If you’ve surrendered them to the Lord, even when things get hairy and times get hard, you can rest in the fact that He is working.
Parenting tip #5: It’s okay to often feel like a failure. I certainly have. But the redeeming factor is Christ. He redeems – not only lost people but lost opportunities. He delights to answer when we cry out to Him in desperation. It’s only by the grace of God that my kids are who they are. It’s only His goodness to me in giving me the wisdom at just the right time to do the right thing. And when I fail, I’ve learned to admit it to them. Admitting failure lets my kids off the hook in thinking they need to be perfect. (I refer back to tip #1 – just pray and keep praying!)
Parenting tips #6: When I snap at my kids, react in anger to them, or feel constant tension with them, it’s usually just fear. So, when fear rises up in me, I do my best to address it as soon as possible. I often find that the fear I am experiencing is actually an area I am trying to control because I lack trust in God and His power. When I realize this, I turn my fear into prayer and wait on Him to work. The bottom line is that He is our only hope. He is my only hope that I won’t blow it as a parent, and He is the only hope for my kids as they navigate their lives.
So here we are. Our baby girl is getting married. Mark told me he lives with a constant knot in his throat. We cry at random moments lately, finding a new need to surrender and release what we love.
Last weekend, we held a bridal shower to celebrate Abby, and we included all her favorite things to eat: cotton candy, dill pickles, salt n vinegar chips, pretzel salad, charcuterie. While we celebrated, I spoke a blessing over Abby, and we gathered around and prayed over her. I did it for her, yes, but for me too – to remember that she is God’s first. Always has been. This shower was our reminder to release her into God’s care.
Mark added another verse to his song and my niece Gracie recorded it. We put it to video and shared it at the shower. Today, I want to share it with you. I think it speaks my heart better than I could with words.
I pray today’s post gives you something to think about, but I pray it gives you hope more importantly. Parenting is one of the most challenging things to do, second only to letting them go.
Go on, Abby-Jane. Go and change the world.
