12 • 08 • 20

Serving the Wrong god

A few days ago, I found myself in a heartwarming conversation with a young lady who recently lost her beloved mother. She told me, at first, she struggled with anger toward God. But while mourning her mom’s death, God made Himself very real to her and overwhelmed her by His love and personal care. This kind of joy and peace, in the midst of tragedy, can only be found in the Lord. He knows how to comfort us. She told me she never experienced God in such a real way in all her life as she has through this deep dark valley. Before this, she felt she had a distorted view of God.

While she talked, my mind drifted back to a time I experienced my own deep pain. I recall sitting on the floor of my bedroom, praying through my tears. I call it praying, but it was more like pouring out my complaint and sadness to the Lord. It was a time in my life where, even with many loved ones around me, I felt very alone. Frankly, I felt God had let me down.

God and I had a deal. I would serve Him and do what I thought a good Christian should do, and He would take care of the things that mattered to me. He would guard and protect me. But here I was in pain and tears on the floor. This was not part of the deal! God had broken His promise. Hadn’t He? Why had God dropped the ball?

I cannot recall how long I sat crumpled on the floor. But as I sat there,

God. Drew. Near.

He ministered to me. I will never forget this encounter. I think of the verse,

He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 147:3

He. He was the one who came to me that day.

What happened next really surprised me. My human mind would expect that God would envelop me in love and say the equivalent of “There, there. Everything will be okay.” But that’s not exactly how it happened.

Instead, I began to feel a deep pang of conviction. There in that quiet moment in my room, while I wondered, “God, why me?!” God drew near. His presence illuminated my heart and exposed the real problem, a deep seed of pride. Looking back, it doesn’t surprise me that I would feel so exposed. the Bible says,

God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.
1 John 1:5b

It only made sense that as God drew near in His perfect love, He would also come in light, and sin cannot hide from His light.

I was so eaten up with pride; I didn’t see the forest for the trees. For the very first time IN MY LIFE, this “good Christian girl who never really did bad things” realized that Jesus had to die for MY SIN on the cross. For the first time, I understood the cross was for me. Ironically, at that very same moment, I felt deeply and completely loved.

How was it that I could feel such solemn rebuke and such deep love at the same time? It seemed to be a paradox.

Scales fell from my eyes, and my heart responded in immediate repentance. I began to realize God had used this circumstantial pain to set me free from a great evil that hindered the close walk with Him I desired to have and prayed for often. Repentance filled my heart with overwhelming joy.

God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.
James 4:6b

I have often looked back at that moment with awe. I’d call it a spiritual surgery. It was painful and beautiful. It was a catalyst for much growth and freedom for me. I am still astounded at how God could convict and love, both to the seemingly deepest degree, all in the same moment. I learned, in a very personal way, more about the God that I serve. Something I never knew before. He loved me too much to leave me where I was.

He loved me too much to leave me where I was.

I also learned that, for a long time, I had been serving a god of my own making. Yes, I did a quiet time. But often, I felt a sense of obligation to do it. I served God, so I felt He owed me for doing my part. While searching the scriptures to grow in my faith, I tended to miss what God wanted to reveal to me about Himself because I was often looking for how it could bless or help me.

Since that experience, I have been learning to go to God’s Word:
Not to find solutions.
Not to find “God’s will for my life.”
Not to find victory, comfort, peace
(although they are all there)

I go to find God.

I want to take you back to the conversation with my young friend. I encouraged her that night to continue to seek the Lord in His Word. “Find out what He says about Himself and draw close to Him. You will find wonderful discoveries about Him, too many to count!”

I told her, “As you study God’s Word, you will replace faulty thinking about Him with the truth He tells us about Himself.”

Then the words tumbled out of my mouth, “The more time I spend seeking Him, the less time I spend serving the wrong god.”

The more time I spend seeking Him, the less time I spend serving the wrong god.

Wait. Was that true? What I just said?

In short, yes! When I don’t know God as He reveals Himself in His word. I am serving the wrong god. I realize it will probably be a lifetime of discovery as I seek God in His Word and replace faulty thinking with the truth of Who He is. As I do, I will enjoy Him in greater and deeper ways. Isn’t it crazy to think that we may be passionately living out our lives with a notion of God that is simply not true? Friend, we can KNOW HIM!

He tells us who He is in His Word – the Bible.
There you will find joy and freedom and, most of all, a God who longs to show Himself and His faithful love to you.

Do you know Him? Or are you serving the wrong god?