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I’m sure there is a blog or podcast out there on the way different personalities face a pandemic. You know, like Myers-Briggs or that enneagram personality test that’s so popular right now. I wonder how our results would get plugged in at a time like this. I’ve taken a few personality inventories over the years, and I’ve noticed that during a crisis, I go into “coach mode.” I’ve been told I’m a Type 4 on the enneagram and from what I’ve briefly read, I’ll own that.
Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. At their Best: inspired and highly creative. enneagraminstitute.com/type-4
I am an exhorter (someone who encourages or urges strongly).
So what’s been running through my mind these past few weeks is:
“Everythings fine! No need to panic. There’s a logical way forward.”
Frankly, I’ve always taken this approach to life, but I honestly think it’s a coping mechanism more than anything else. Kind of like an escape room, I would be the one reminding everyone there is a way out because escape rooms were meant to be escaped from.
But I’m also the one who spends the majority of my time in contemplation. I’m continually looking for the truth. I want the facts. I guess I feel I can do my part better, you know, exhorting, coaching, and encouraging people, when I know what it is we are dealing with. Like Tom Cruise in “A Few Good Men,” I want someone to give me the truth….whether I can handle it or not.
So, you can understand my present struggle. I have taken in more information than I think is healthy during this time, where extreme conflicts of information are gushing out from every direction. And this from supposed trusted resources, people we couldn’t fathom would want to harm us. However, it’s impossible that all perspectives are true.
Someone recently posted a funny list of contradicting rules for us to follow during the quarantine. I related to each one. Do I or don’t I?
In all honesty, the conflict itself is troubling to me. I don’t like it, and I don’t like the greater implications it presents.
This past week while weeding through the information online (Facebook, web articles, newspapers, etc.) I ran across two quotes that gripped me and have stuck with me since. They spoke specifically to my pursuit of truth, so you can imagine my interest was piqued. In fact, I have found them taking up the majority of my thoughts as of late.
One of the quotes, by Charles Spurgeon, was posted by a Facebook friend:
“Discernment is not knowing the difference between right and wrong. It is knowing the difference between right and almost right.” — Charles Spurgeon. (RECORD SCRATCH…Right?)
The second, and I can’t’ remember where I saw it, was:
“It’s easier to get someone to believe a lie than to get them to believe they’ve been lied to.”
Hmm.
Yesterday, the weight of it all got the best of me. Before I fell into bed last night, I told Mark, “I don’t want to have a repeat of today.” I felt anxious like I was groping in the darkness for a solid place to stand.
On top of that, I was feeling guilty for feeling stressed. Doesn’t God tell us not to worry? Doesn’t God tell us to be anxious for nothing? How can I talk to God when it’s clear I am upset and struggling to find truth while feeling showered in lies.
“Come to Me.”
I resisted God’s nudging and instead,
I overate.
I sat watching meaningless television.
I scrolled Facebook for more time than I care to admit.
I snapped at the kids.
I let my thoughts run.
I became cynical.
I felt annoyed.
I. was. a. mess.
With each slip down the slope, I felt I had negated my opportunity to turn to God.
But I did it anyway.
Just before turning off the light, I asked Mark if we could pray. It wasn’t anything earth-shattering. It was a simple request for help. “God, we confess our questions and anxiety. We confess we don’t like the feelings of uncertainty. The truth is that the future is out of our hands but not Yours. Please help us. In Jesus’ name, Amen.” .jpg)
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This morning I woke up and determined to get to the bottom of my feelings with the Lord. I decided I would not sugarcoat or “church up” my words. I pulled out my journal and tried to be as honest with God and myself as I possibly could. It was a little uncomfortable at first.
“God, things don’t add up. You know that rubs against my grain. I hate feeling like I am being duped. I hate feeling like I can’t know all the facts. I hate feeling that any harm could be intended in all of this. God, You know how I love to know the truth. I just want to know the truth!”
Do you want to know what I felt Him speak to my heart?
You do know the TRUTH. (mic drop)
He was right. I KNOW THE TRUTH and the TRUTH HAS SET ME FREE. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32
Jesus is the Truth. He said in John 14:6a “I am the way, and the truth, and the life.”
Jesus doesn’t just tell me the truth. He IS the Truth.
But KNOWING the Truth and LIVING in the Truth are two different things.
I’ve spent more time seeking “the truth” to answers for questions in my heart than I have in seeking “the TRUTH.”
His presence is all I need. He who promises is able. My peace comes only from that pursuit. This morning my friend, Ann, sent me an entry from her journal as God ministered to her. It said:
Are you fearful or filled with faith?
And He said to them, “Where is your faith [your confidence in Me]?” They were afraid and astonished, saying to one another, “Who then is this, that He commands even the winds and the sea, and they obey Him?” Luke 8:25 – AMP
Remember in difficult circumstances that look impossible to man that you do not know the truth of your circumstances until you have heard from the Lord. You need to look to Him for his perspective and walk in what He says.
Remember the disciples when Jesus himself sent them into the storm. They faced difficulties that the Lord knew were ahead of them but I also remember that He Who had the ability to calm the storm was in the boat. When He exercised His power everything changed. Oh, the difference the presence of God makes in our seemingly impossible circumstances.
The Lord is present and His presence in and with you brings all God is and can do into the situation. What is humanly impossible with men is possible with God.
Friend, what questions plague your heart? Remember what Ann said? You do not know the truth of your circumstances until you have heard from the Lord.
He may speak answers. He may simply speak peace.
Read His Word. He is IN CONTROL. He is all-powerful. He is good to those who call upon Him, to those who trust Him.
He invites us to know Him, to draw close to Him.
I was convicted this morning with the question, “Will I profess to walk with Him and yet fear?”
Proverbs 3:19-27
19The LORD by wisdom founded the earth;
by understanding he established the heavens;
20by his knowledge the deeps broke open,
and the clouds drop down the dew.
21My son, do not lose sight of these—
keep sound wisdom and discretion,
22and they will be life for your soul
and adornment for your neck.
23Then you will walk on your way securely,
and your foot will not stumble.
24If you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
25Do not be afraid of sudden terror
or of the ruin of the wicked, when it comes,
26for the LORD will be your confidence
and will keep your foot from being caught.
27Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,
when it is in your power to do it.
My peace is congruent with my pursuit of Him.
I don’t want a repeat of yesterday because I know where my hope is found. I know the Truth. It’s time I walked with Him moment to moment each day.
I have determined to start the day with some different choices. I jotted a list in my journal.
TODAY:
- I would begin my day with quality time with the Lord and wait on Him to speak to me.
- I would spend minimal time on Facebook
- I would go to God as soon as I feel tempted to despair
- I would focus on God-glorifying choices – exercise, eating responsibly, being aware of my attitude, and the atmosphere I set in the home.
- I would seek the TRUTH more, instead of heavy doses of mindless entertainment.
- I would guard my heart and seek the wisdom of the Lord in all things.
How about you? Want to know the Truth?
Seek the Lord while he may be found;
call upon him while he is near;
let the wicked forsake his way,
and the unrighteous man his thoughts;
let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him,
and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
Isaiah 55:6-7
