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PINIMAGETrust the Process God of the Process
On Friday, we dropped Abby off at a gap year program called OneLife and because I cannot really explain it is in detail, I encourage you to check out this video link.
It was hard to say goodbye. Many tears were shed. In fact, our family stood in a huddle all doing the ugly cry. Then Mark and I and our other three stood watching Abby walk off until she was completely out of site. I can still see it now.
A friend asked me Sunday, “So, how was it?” I told her, “People can tell you to prepare for this change, to brace yourself in a sense, but you just can’t prepare.” I think what I did over the past year was tell myself there’s no sense in mourning what hasn’t yet happened. I remember walking past her room while she was packing her things. I felt a vice grip on my heart out of no where. Then immediately I felt God speaking, “This is what you prayed for. I am giving you your hearts desire.”
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PINIMAGEAnd here were are. She’s at OneLife and we have closed a chapter just like that. Even if she returns to live here for a time, it won’t be the same. Those of you who have been through this know what I mean.
I don’t want you to think I’m over here falling apart. I’m not. I just find myself talking through it all in my mind over and over and many emotions run through me each day. I’m surprised at how contradictory my feelings seem (gratitude, concern, joy, peace, sadness, loss). The MOST surprising thing is that I can feel all of these feelings at once. I know many moms understand.
I feel grateful that God has given Abby direction, that He answered our prayers and hers by clearly speaking to her heart and guiding her to OneLife. I feel joy and knowing my daughter has a desire for the things of God. I feel sadness and void because she’s no longer here “being Abby in our home”. I feel concern, wondering if Abby will stay or if she will want to come home, and then that feeling is followed up by peace that God called her there and I can trust Him to work in her giving her the courage to stay. I guess, more than anything else, feel loss as I realize the close of chapter has come. My little Abby is now going out into the world.
Friday night, when we returned home from dropping Abby off, I fell into bed exhausted from the emotional goodbye we had. I wondered what Abby was doing at that very moment. Thoughts whirled in my mind and before I knew it, I fell into a deep sleep.
At 1:09 I woke up feeling too hot for covers. I threw them off wide awake. Immediately, I wondered why I felt so hot and I thought of how Abby hadn’t been there to sneak to the thermostat and turn it down to 69 degrees. Her room always gets extra hot and even a fan doesn’t cut it. So Abby would turn down the thermostat and then turn the house fan on. I lectured her often but that was her thing.
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I wondered if she was able to sleep. My mind reflected back to parent orientation the evening before. They told us the kids were getting up early and taking a surprise trip as part of their orientation. It would be a week long and it would be 13 hours away! They told us the location was a secret but they promised we could trust that the kids were in good hands. I know this trip had something to do with camping.
Abby…camping. Not impossible.
She’s not a diva…but camping…hmm.
There would be no cells phones, no technology, just them and nature and God. In short, they were going to unplug. Was she prepared? Did we miss something on the packing list?
You know how your mind seems to think in overdrive at night? I felt like my thoughts were on fast forward and before you know it, I was not only thinking about this week trip for Abby. I went from that to the whole year experience. From there I moved on to what perhaps would be next. And then I found myself thinking of my other three. Would they desire the things of God like Abby? Should I be doing more while they are still under my roof? Am I missing something?…anything?
I want all the answers now.
I want guarantees.
I want control.
But God wants surrender.
You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Isaiah 26:3
The LORD will work out his plans for my life — for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever. Don’t abandon me, for you made me. Psalm 138:8
I turned my thoughts into prayers and I prayed for what seemed like hours. I brought each child and their unique challenges, gifts, and needs before the Lord in prayer and as peace began to fill me. As I recalled all that God is and all He has already done, I was comforted. I whispered, “I just have to trust the process.”
But then without hesitation another thought followed. “You need to trust the God of the process.”
You need to trust the God of the process.
Even better.
Trust the God of the process.
Abby is supposed to call us Sunday. We’re told it will be our first opportunity to talk with her. We were also warned that in the beginning of this experience we may not get great reports on our children’s experiences. The program strips them of many of unhealthy habits and strives to create community, character, and calling. So instead of hours on social media or texting, they will have face to face opportunities to connect. In case you haven’t noticed, this is becoming a lost art.
I have asked myself, “What will I do if Abby calls and wants to come home?” I don’t think she’ll do this. But show me a parent who has just sent their child off to school who doesn’t wonder if they might make a break for it. If she calls discouraged, I will embrace it and pray for the opportunity to encourage and inspire her to trust the God of the process.
How about you? What experience are you going through that you find yourself constantly thinking about, perhaps even worrying over? surviving?
Commit it to the Lord today. Run to Him. Surrender to His will and way. And trust the God of the process.
How great is the goodness you have stored up for those who fear you. You lavish it on those who come to you for protection, blessing them before the watching world. Psalm 31:19
For great is his steadfast love toward us, and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever. Praise the LORD! Psalm 117:2
So the next generation might know them—
even the children not yet born—
and they in turn will teach their own children.
7So each generation should set its hope anew on God,
not forgetting his glorious miracles
and obeying his commands. Psalm 78:6-7
