And with your final heartbeat,
kiss the world goodbye
and go in peace
and laugh on glory side.
And fly to Jesus.
Fly to Jesus.
Fly to Jesus and live.
Chris Rice – Come to Jesus
Diane is gone. She’s with Jesus. She left this world for a better place on December 28th just before noon.
It’s been difficult to come to any words that make sense or summarize the ocean of thoughts and emotions in my heart. How can I recount the moments from the past two weeks? How do I express the volumes of conversations, lessons, miracles, and moments I’ve stored up inside?
I guess I’ll need to break it all up into bite sized pieces so that I can share them with you in any way that hopefully makes sense. Here goes nothing.
I guess I’ll start here…
In February of this year, we will celebrate the third anniversary of LifeHouse Church. Since the beginning, I have met many new friends and our church family has grown. It’s not uncommon for a newcomer to come through the door and begin looking for ways to serve that are aligned with their passions. It’s not uncommon for people to seek out ways to serve that “fill them up”. It’s what I did when I took on the graphic design needs for LifeHouse. I love to design and it’s wonderful that I can do what I love to advance the purposes of God.
So, we all look to “sign up” for the things that we love to do. And rightfully so, since God uses us the way He uniquely created us.
There’s only one problem. There’s no sign-up sheet for cancer. And if there was, I believe, out of fear, I would avoid it.
How do you find yourself in a story like this – terminal cancer?
The truth is…you have to be invited.
God invited me into Diane’s story.
I remember being told by my 9 year old that Diane had cancer. Bianca (Diane’s daughter) was over for the weekend and told Sophie. My heart immediately began to race and I tried to convince myself it would all be okay. Hopefully it had been caught early. I couldn’t rest until I went to Diane to find out. So I headed to her home.
She wasn’t there. She was at the doctor’s office. Her friend answered the door and told me it didn’t look good. I went home and cried for what seemed like two days. I cried for Diane. I cried for Bianca. I cried for her family.
Then, I realized I could distance myself from their pain and pull away, offering the occasional prayer and warm thought, or I could walk headlong into this tragedy and support her through it. Distancing myself would have been less painful, less scary, less difficult. But I would have missed out on a life changing beautiful experience. Today I want to share with you just a few special life-changing moments:
Her Testimony of Faith. In September, Bianca told Diane she had accepted Jesus as her Savior and wanted to be baptized. She asked Diane if she could come to the baptism. Diane had been going through chemo and she was extremely weak and sick from the treatments. Yet she made it to the baptism celebration. While there she said she also wanted to participate and show others the decision she had made to accept Christ. So mother and daughter were baptized together. What a special moment it was! Many tears of joy were shed that day.
.jpg)
Restored relationships. One day in October, Diane told me she had some regrets and there were also some broken relationships she wanted to see restored. This weighed heavily on her heart every day. We prayed that day for God to work in all of those circumstances. Then we watched God mend relationships one by one in Diane’s life. This was something that was very important to her. Many previously estranged family members sat by her bedside in her last moments.
.jpg)
Triumph in tragedy. One day not long ago, Diane was feeling overwhelmed with burdens and unfinished tasks. She was in a good bit of pain. I sat down to talk with her and she said in spite of it all, “God must really think a lot of me.” God was ministering to Diane in the unseen, in ways I couldn’t even comprehend. I know it brought her comfort and it brought me comfort as well since I often felt inadequate to help her.
Miracles of strength. Diane wanted to see Bianca perform in the TeamKID Christmas program at church. I knew she was extremely weak and her symptoms worsened daily. It seemed wishful thinking to see her attend that day. Only two weeks prior to her death, she not only attended the program but walked in and out on her own! Miraculous. This is a special memory I know her family will hold dear for years to come.
The Blessing of Friendships. I saw friends (old and new) step in and serve Diane. Some took her to treatments. Others set up a benefit event for her. Some sat with her. They cried with her. Some made meals. Other’s bought groceries. She had many visitors in the hospital too. At times I thought we might take over the whole hospice floor.
Gaining a chosen family. One phrase Diane used often was “chosen family”. These are people who are not related by blood but by the bonds of love. While spending the last 8 days of Diane’s life in the hospital with her family and friends, I gained a “chosen family”. We laughed and cried together. We sang and prayed together. We celebrated Diane together. What a gift! I pray these relationships will continue on over the years. Bound together by one special person, Diane Wertz.
My greatest honor. I believe Diane’s greatest wish was to see that her children would be cared for, protected and and loved in her absence. Diane asked me in her final days if Mark and I would take in her precious daughter, Bianca. God had already been preparing us for several years now, without even knowing it, to bring her into our family. It’s a way for me to continue to honor Diane and keep her memory alive in Bianca’s heart. After all, there will be a sweet reunion for them someday when we see her again in Heaven. Then I’ll have to add that to this list of beautiful things God has done.
Yes, there’s no doubt in my mind I was invited.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
Psalm 23:4
And all I can say is I’m grateful. I’m humbled. I’m thankful. That God would invite us into His beautiful presence as He tended to a hurting soul.
Diane, I’ll say for now, “See you later.” You are loved and missed by many, my friend.
Nana - Thank you, Dear Tammy for sharing. You, Mark, and your beautiful kids are such a blessing. I am sorry I did not get to meet Diane, but I feel like I did meet her. Love you all!
Jill - I’m in tears reading about the loss of your friend, Tammy. My heart breaks thinking about her daughter and friends and family she left behind, but I am amazed and encouraged by the ways God was working, and continues to work in the tragic end of her life. What a gift you have given her in caring for her child– a wonderful addition to your chosen family.
Pam Tayloe - Thank you Tammy! I still haven’t had my moment but, I just had a mini one. I miss my Sissy and I’m starting to feel it more and more as I think about going through the coming days. I’m grateful for the new “Chosen Family” I have gained along with connections made and lessons learned. We will not let her name slip to the wayside. I believe she has left us with more work to do for her and in her name. Love you guys!!!