Tammy On Tuesday – “Someone’s Gotta Give!”

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“On a scale of one to ten…how is your pain?”

Interesting question.  I was sitting by the bedside of a friend with stage 4 cancer when the question was asked.  Her doctors have run out of options for treatment and time is slipping away…

“How is your pain?”

I think a fair answer would be, “It can’t be measured.”

Sitting, just a few days ago, with another dear friend who had received some devastating and unexpected news:

“How’s your pain?”

Seemingly unbearable.

It’s difficult to watch the people you love suffer.  It’s so hard to watch life bring pain that can’t be measured.  They need a miracle.  It’s easy in times like these to become overwhelmed with sympathy…screaming at the injustice from within your heart, “Somethings gotta give!”

Like my friends, there was a time I experienced my own paralyzing pain.  Walking along side them now, takes me back to a time when life took me by surprise.  And, if someone would’ve come up to me a week prior and told me what I was about to experience, I would have told them I could NEVER go through something like that!  Surely God would NEVER ask something like that of me.  And yet, I found myself in the very center of suffering that I hoped I would never have to go through.

I can recall getting up in the mornings and throwing on my robe.  I didn’t brush my hair.  Wasn’t planning on going out anywhere.  I felt like I was in a dream of sorts.  Couldn’t really get my bearings on anything.  All I was continually reminded of was the pain in my heart…the immeasurable pain.

But, like a small crack in the heavy curtain of darkness covering me, a ray of light shown in.  My one source of relief.  I kept a devotion book in the pocket of my robe.  In it, I found special words from God spoken directly to me.  They were words that eased the pain of my heart.  It’s the only place I found hope again and I would sometimes read the words over and over throughout the day.

During my days of suffering, I prayed with everything in me for peace; because, I thought once the peace got there, the pain had to go.  It was interesting to find that the peace did come.  It was a plentiful peace reaching to every inch of my soul.  What was surprising is that, when the peace came, the peace and the pain dwelled together – seeming opposites…and I knew God was on the throne. From the deepest part of me, I knew He was holding me up.  This pain hadn’t taken Him by surprise.  He was in control.  I found my anchor in this tumultuous and terrifying storm.

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.”  Isaiah 43:2

God drew near and I could hear Him say to my heart…“Peace, be still.”

Can I tell you, feeling Him draw so near, was one of the most precious experiences in my entire life?

Can I tell you that all the pain paled in comparison to His presence and peace?

Can I tell you I wouldn’t change a minute of it for the world?

The verse, Psalm 34:18 took on new meaning for me..
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”

God, the God of the Universe, drew near!  What a humbling and beautiful experience!

So on my own journey through the barren wilderness, I found that sentence “Something’s gotta give!” taking new shape…”Someone’s gotta give!”  And someone DID give.  Jesus.  He gave me the gift of Himself – my source of hope.

I read something in my quiet time just three short days ago.  To a person who has never suffered deeply, it may sound peculiar and even offensive.   But oddly enough, I understand it….  

It said, “And when you begin to see a person in the middle of a difficult and painful struggle, don’t try to prevent it, but pray that his difficulty will grow even ten time stronger, until NO power on earth or in hell could hold him away from Jesus Christ.”

My pain grew so great, it emptied my reserve of solutions and plans.  It grew so great, there was no where and no one to turn to.  It grew so great,  I had no option left but fall on Jesus.  And in doing so, I found His all-sufficient grace.  I knew that the pain had only been the paper used to wrap of the gift of His deep and abiding joy.

I cannot find a passage more fitting here than Psalm 23 which says:
1 The Lord is my shepherd;
    I have all that I need.
2 He lets me rest in green meadows;
    he leads me beside peaceful streams.
3     He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
    bringing honor to his name.
4 Even when I walk
    through the darkest valley,[a]
I will not be afraid,
    for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
    protect and comfort me.
5 You prepare a feast for me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
    My cup overflows with blessings.
6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
    all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
    forever.

So, even sitting by a hospital bed or in the deafening silence of a friend’s loss, oddly God imparts joy.  If you look closely you’ll see it hidden there in the midst of the pain.  And when the question is asked…
“On a scale of one to ten, how is your joy?”

The response is, “It can’t be measured.”