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Parenting. It’s one of the hardest jobs known to man. I love my kids. I want to invest in them. I realize that there’s a reason we are told to “nurture” our children. I think we all realize it. We say to ourselves (and rarely out loud), if this child is to know right and wrong, good and evil – if they are going to know the truth, it’s up to me to show them. So, I make my best effort to pour into them goodness and truth.
One thing that has become clear to me is that this “pouring in” is not just in the words I say to them. They are watching how I live my life: how I react to stressors, how I show love, how I give of myself, how I spend my time, what I dedicate myself to, and, most importantly, how I relate to God. This is also a “pouring in” to their lives and probably with much greater effect.
I have a consuming desire for my children to grow to have their own personal walk with God. So you can imagine how I feel when I completely blow it as a parent.
We woke up early on this beautiful Easter Sunday morning. So much to be thankful for! You could almost hear the melodious movie score rising with the sun on the horizon…except for the fact that I had put myself under a good amount of stress with all I had planned to accomplish before we headed out to church. Easter was going to be a big day of events for us at LifeHouse Church and I had a lot to do before leaving the house.
Mark always leaves about an hour before I do on Sundays to set up. So I was left to accomplish all of the things on my mental to-do list alone: curl the girls’ hair, make my dish for Easter dinner, get myself ready, get the kids dressed in their Easter outfits, the list goes on.
Things got a little crazy. Sophie wasn’t loving the hairstyle I was creating for her. Hudson was in slow motion all morning. Abby was put in charge of the dog and came up MIA half the time. Of course, the result was that I found the dog chewing on shoes in my bedroom. And, there’s no better way to put it except…I began to lose it.
With all my good intentions and desires, in this moment of weakness, I resorted to barking my orders through clenched teeth. Those of you who have this same weakness know what I’m talking about. It’s accompanied by the crazed look in the eye and often a slight twitching. When this begins to happen my kids know I’m going over the edge.
Needless to say, I was not proud of my actions on Sunday morning. Our melodious movie score turned to the shrill Psycho theme with the volume set at 10! Once the dog was safely in her crate and everyone was in the car in one piece, I sighed and thought of how terribly I failed as a parent that morning. And on Easter? What a day to blow it! I admitted my poor behavior and apologized to the kids for speaking in anger. Then, together, we prayed that God would help us to have a better day.
What’s my point? When I fail at my job as mom and “pointer to God and all things true” (an official name I give myself), it’s easy to become discouraged and worry that my kids could grow up to become convicted felons. (Okay, maybe that’s a bit extreme.) I have found that often I place too much emphasis on all my good efforts to mold and shape their hearts and not enough confidence that God is doing His work.
I’m beginning to realize that God is at work, NOT BECAUSE OF ME, but often in spite of me. As I align my desires with what pleases God, I realize I don’t have to beg God to be at work in the lives of my children. I simply need to agree with Him in His work and look for ways to reinforce His truth as a mom.
I have been going through the Bible study “Experiencing God” over the past month and I came across a box in the middle of the workbook page that was entitled, Things Only God Can Do. Immediately, God began to encourage me that this same box can be applied to the lives of my children.
“Things Only God Can Do”
Only God can draw people (my children) to Himself.
Only God can cause people (my children) to seek Him.
Only God reveals spiritual truth (to my children).
Only God convicts the world (my children) of guilt about sin.
Only God convicts the world (my children) of righteousness.
Only God convicts the world (my children) of judgment.
I’m a mom. That’s my role. I have a wonderful opportunity to invest in my children as a mom. And sometimes that means confessing to them when I blow it and seeking forgiveness.
I’m not God. I must trust God to be God in their lives. He is doing what He does best. He will continue His work as He encourages me in mine.
Have you tried to do God’s work in the lives of your children? Do you put a greater emphasis on your role than His in molding and shaping them?
Here’s my pep talk for the day:
- Do your best and when you fail admit it.
- Pray without Ceasing. I mean that literally.
- Let God be God and watch Him work.
We can count on the fact that God loves our children with a perfect and everlasting love. As we commit our children to God and point them to Him, He will fulfill His purpose in their lives. I promise if you set things in the right order, you’ll be amazed at the freedom you’ll find and you may eventually leave the teeth clenching behind.
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PINIMAGEMy Cup of Tea
Okay, ladies, I stumbled across this special find not too long ago. It’s a Eye Shadow/Liner Duo Pen by Mary Kay. The reason I am a big fan is because usually when I apply my eyeshadow in the morning, by around 2:00 I notice creasing on the lid and fading. I used the eye shadow pen one morning and as I was taking off my make-up that night, my shadow looked as good as it did when I put it on. For me, that’s a biggy! It really stays on all day. I have two colors right now and I’m thinking of trying a few more. If you comment on today’s blog post, you will be entered to win a pen of your own to try. See if you don’t agree.
And the winner of this weeks blog drawing is Molly Tomlin (chosen by random generator)! Molly please e-mail me at tammy@luminosityonline.com with your mailing address so that I can send you your own shadow/liner duo!
Molly Tomlin - Tammy, I loved your post this week! I’ve been very blessed as a mom with two amazing boys but always wonder if I’m doing the best job I can do to point them in the right direction and raise them to be strong Christian young men. Thank you for all your encouraging words and reminding me I’m not in this alone and to pray constantly and trust that God is always working in their lives:)
Rachel Carter - Tammy, thank you. I can’t tell you how much I needed this today (even though it’s Wed…ha!) God really used you to speak to me, thank you for your willingness to be open. Love you
Fran - Have to admit I am reading this a little late do to my ” to do list” lol being a great mom is one of the most important things to be so I feel exactly what u are saying, I have had many of those times when I have to stop and say relax its’not the kids fault. I love reading and relating to your blogs Tammy
Amy Gregory - Thanks so much Tammy! It’s nice to know I’m not alone. When I “loose it” I wonder where did that come from, I didn’t think I had that in me :-)Thanks for the tools to help me with my deepest desire…….showing my daughter how to live fo Christ.
Katie - Great post, Tam. I have a lot of those mornings also, so I totally relate. Thank you for the encouraging words!!
Letitia Ross - Tammy, thank you for sharing another wonderful reminder for moms. It is so easy to try to live our lives in the power of our flesh and leave God completely out of our day. Thank you for the reminder that He is doing the work in our children’s lives. We just need to step aside and let Him work His perfect will for them.
Jennie - Faith alone in God alone! Wonderful words of wisdom for us – and most importantly for our precious children…Thank-you, Tammy!
Susan - Tammy – Being a mom is my greatest joy. God blessed me with 2 biological children & 2 adopted children. Being their mom is the most special gift God has given me. I cherish the moments and love them all (good and bad). I use to think, before I had children, that the hardest part would be the baby stage but now that my two oldest are in high school, I realize that the baby stage was by far the easy part. It is so much harder when you know you have 4 sets of eyes watching everything you do and watching how you react to situations. I find that my children are teaching me more than I am teaching them. Thank you for sharing and for always being transparent. You always seem to say just what I need to hear.
Kim Hecksher - Tam, thank you for your brutal honesty that we as mom’s all face and reminding us if what is important in teaching our children!
Emily - Oh my, Tammy, this post is so perfectly timed with what I have been craving lately: God’s peace in my role as a mom! It is such a relief to put our worries aside and trust in Him, and I thank you for reminding me to do that TODAY! -Emily
Rebecca - Tammy, you speak on behalf of all of us as moms. I say often, God, help my children to turn out for you IN SPITE of my parenting!!
Also, have you ever tried Bare Minerals mineral veil. I use that to set my makeup including brushing a little over my eyelids. No more eyeshadow crease!!! 🙂
Tara Greathouse - Tammy, I have to say girl, you are never alone on your blogs. Most of us can relate one way or another. Thank you for being so transparent on the weaknesses. Many of us are too proud to post and share our weaknesses to others. I also had a rough morning on Easter as I am sure many other mothers also did. We as mothers feel the need to take care of every little detail especially during holidays. I woke up at 6:30am on Easter morning to give myself enough to take care of the life under our roof. It began with waking up the kids to open their Easter goodies, making breakfast, getting the clothes out for the kids, getting them dressed, styling the kids hair, the boys are easy, I just put some gel in, spread it around and they are done but Jaclyn it is tough just trying to brush the knots out of her hair let alone not making her hair look like electric outlet trauma which is what it looks like upon rolling out of her bed. For some reason, it was hard to get them moving to go downstairs and get their shoes on and go. Jacob wanted to play Playstation, Joey wanted to play Spiderman and Jaclyn was annoying Joey so that was fun breaking them apart. Amidst all of this chaos, I kept telling my husband in a louder tone, we need to leave at 8:30! Well, 8:30 came and went and I am still struggling. I still don’t have a shower, hair is a mess. I tell Jack, please take the kids and go. I will meet you there with my mom. Well, we were EXTREMELY late, 1 hour! After we got home from church and I had an hour to myself for Bible time. I was reminded that I didn’t pray the night before about having a smooth morning and being on time. And because of this miss, I took things upon myself to lead and when I should have given the leadership role to God. Sorry for the long comment but just felt the need to share. Thanks again Tammy for the blog today.
Candie - You have NO CLUE how much I needed this. I have been really struggling with my daughter; to the point that I have no idea what to do. I really needed to hear this. REALLY. Thank you first to the Lord and then to you for being so open and honest.
Wendi Rees - This was great! It is encouraging to know I’m not the only one who struggles with these things! I feel especially guilty because of my role in ministry, but the bottom line is we are all flawed and recognizing and admitting it in humility followed by repentance is sometimes more of a testimony to our kids than things going perfectly and just the way we had planned! Great blog girl!
Erica s - Wow this post is what I needed. Thanks!
Stefanie - Wow, thank you for sharing. Same exact thing happened last Thursday with me and my divas. Crazy week, we were overscheduled, everyone was moving in slow motion and this Momma lost it. I apologized over and over and as we regrouped I found myself saying “let it go, I can’t control everything at every moment.” Deep sigh. Little eyes and ears are always watching. 🙂
Emily T - Thanks for sharing, I struggle with this a lot too! I ask for forgiveness a lot 🙂 I often laugh when I am trying to get the kids to understand the fruit of the spirit when I am being the opposite!
Jenny Pyryt - So true. Exactly what I have been working on giving to God lately.
Sue Sweeney - Tammy…I can so relate to this blog. It seems that Sunday mornings are the worst – and I have come to the conclusion that Satan is out to destroy the family and what better way than to get Mom cranked up. Ask any of my family – they will tell you that there was always something sparking up Sunday mornings. I am going to trust God to help me not to go down that path and destroy the praise and worship I need to show my Heavenly Father. Thank you for this post.
amy j. - this post hits home with me. thank you for posting!
Marti vanVeen - Fantastic! You are so awesome with your straight-from-the-heart talks. Thank you very much for sharing these blogs!
Jill - Thank you Tammy for your honesty and encouragement. I have had more of those types of mornings than I’d like to admit! 🙂