Tammy On Tuesday – The “What Ifs”

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Sometimes it’s hard to blog about personal struggles.  But what good is my blog if what I’m writing to you is not coming from a place of truth in my own life?  I heard someone say recently, “I want to own my words.”  That phrase has hit home to me in a very real way over the past week and a half.

Life is full of unexpected events.  In the past few days I’ve had to come to grips with losing a pet. He was my buddy, Samwise.  I lost him suddenly on Saturday, March 10 and was left to sort through the feelings of sadness and grief.  I have to admit, at first I was in shock.  I found myself looking for him to be in his familiar places around the house and I would even think I’d heard him meow a time or two.  It’s been hard to accept that he’s gone.

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I’ve debated postponing this blog yet another week because writing this is difficult for me.  To be completely honest, I don’t feel like I’ve really processed everything.  Of course, I’ve lost pets in the past but being the animal lover that I am, it’s never easy.

So, here’s what I can give you for the moment.  Here’s the one thing I have been able to nail to the wall.

You can’t live life in the “What ifs”.  

Last week I shared a poem by a pillar of the faith, Amy Carmichael.  She has spoken to my heart in many difficult times of my life through her writings and her own personal pain.  Here is an excerpt from her devotional, “I Come Quietly To Meet You.”

If Only

In a letter written by Samuel Rutherford, dated 1640, he speaks of how hard it is to be patient if we allow our thoughts to become stuck “down among the confused rollings and wheels of second causes.” By this he means all the times we say, “If only I hadn’t been in the wrong place,” or “If only I’d gone at a different time.”  (Or for me, “What if I’d kept Sam inside instead of opening the door?!”)  He means the subtle temptation to link together earthly causes-and-effects. To fight against this temptation, to escaped the confused, grinding second wheels of this “logic”, Rutherford cries to us from across history: “Look up!  Look to the master-motion and the first wheel!”…
…The confused rollings and wheels of “second causes” do not help much here – or anywhere.  The Lord allowed it.  (I’ll say it again for myself if for no one else…”The Lord allowed it.”) Therefore, so far as we are concerned, He did it:  He, himself.  And all that He does is good.

Do I trust God enough to know that although He allows pain into our lives, He is still my God of love?  That’s what it has come down to.  Can I trust His heart, although I cannot see His hand?

It is a petty view of our Father’s love and wisdom which demands or expects an answer according to our desires, apart from His wisdom.
We see hardly one inch of the narrow lane of time.  To our God, eternity lies open as a meadow. It must seem strange to the heavenly people, who have reached the beautiful End, that you and I should ever question what Love allows to be, or that we ever call prayer “unanswered” when it is not what we expect?

This may be difficult for us to accept…that tragic events can be a loving gesture.  But when you come to believe that God is lovingly at work in your life, you can put meaning to the sad an seemingly senseless moments in life.  They have come from His hand and all He does is good.

Isaiah 139:1-18 is a gentle reminder of His care:

 ¹ O LORD, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
² You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
³ You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
⁴ You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, LORD.
⁵ You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!

 ⁷ I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
⁸ If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave,^[a] you are there.
⁹ If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
¹¹ I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
¹² but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.

 ¹³ You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
¹⁵ You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
¹⁶ You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.

 ¹⁷ How precious are your thoughts about me,^[b] O God.
They cannot be numbered!
¹⁸ I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!

Are you haunted by the “what ifs”?  Ask God to give you the ability to let them go and trust His hand in your life.

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This week I’m feeling led to give away a copy of the devotional book, “I Come Quietly To Meet You”, by Amy Carmichael.  I may have offered this book a while back.  To be honest, I can’t remember.  But I know it can minister to a broken heart in difficult times.  This devotional also prompts us to see life from a God-directed perspective.  I know it will be a blessing!  Simply comment on today’s blog and you can be entered to win a copy.

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And the winner of this week’s blog giveaway is Crystal Cobb, chosen by random generator!PINIMAGE

Congratulations Crystal!  Please contact us with your mailing info and we’ll get your copy of “I Come Quietly To Meet You” right out to you!