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There is nothing new under the sun.

This morning, I am writing my blog on the new iPad I received for Christmas. When I sat down to write, I had to download the iPad version of the writing app I use. While the app was downloading, and I watched the circle spin, I noticed in very tiny letters, the words “in-app purchases.”  

I’ve come to learn what that means. “Oh, we think you’ll love this app. And we have designed it in such a way that once you get the hang of it, you’ll want to upgrade and pay for more advanced features.”  

I have to be honest; these “in-app purchases” get me occasionally. I buy the upgrade. I’ve got to hand it to the developers who want to keep the money coming in. “Hook them, then sell them on more.”

As I learn my way around my new iPad features, I find that, yes, it’s helpful and convenient, and for that, I’m grateful. But, even with the upgrades, it won’t solve the world’s problems or slow my aging or fulfill my deepest longing. It’s just a convenience that will eventually become obsolete. 

What is it within us that is continually seeking the improvement, the upgrade, the miracle product, the next-best-thing?

Maybe it’s because we know we are not getting younger. Nothing is. As time passes, I get older. My house gets older. My pets get older. My possessions get older. NOTHING is getting newer.   

In our kitchen, we actually have the dining table Mark and I purchased the year we married. It’s 23 years old. When we bought it, we loved the honey wood grain, and the Aztec printed fabric-covered seats. But that style is out, so instead of getting rid of it, we updated it. We stripped the wood tabletop and stained it lighter. We painted the chairs a pretty shade of grey. Then, I covered the seats with grey and paisley upholstery fabric.  

Good as new! Kinda.  

Although we did a complete overhaul on it, it’s’ still falling apart. The materials are wearing out. The chairs get wobbly shortly after tightening the screws. One of the armrests pulls off when you attempt the scoot in the chair. I’m not sure how much more use we can get from it before it falls completely apart.  

Nothing is getting newer. 

Have you ever thought about it? Maybe that’s why we are obsessed with upgrades. We are hoping that THE NEXT THING will satisfy our longing for more. Perhaps it will help us forget we are getting older. We reason that if we continue to seek upgrades and improvements, we can ignore that we are all headed toward the grave.  

Insert record scratch here.

I know that’s not the most flowery thought. But the truth is, upgrades won’t stop the inevitable. 

Let’s consider what King Solomon, the wisest king who ever lived, said about upgrades. “There is nothing new under the sun.”

Ecclesiastes 1:9 is the origin of what has become a common proverb. The verse reads like this: “What has been will be again, / what has been done will be done again; / there is nothing new under the sun.” As a modern idiom, “there’s nothing new under the sun” is often used as a world-weary complaint against life’s monotony. When Solomon wrote the statement, he emphasized the cyclic nature of human life on earth and the emptiness of living only for the “rat race.”

The phrase “under the sun” is used 29 times in Ecclesiastes and nowhere else in Scripture. The intended meaning in Ecclesiastes is that what happens “under the sun” in a life separated from God is universal—the point of view in Ecclesiastes is an earth-bound perspective.

To say there is nothing new under the sun means there is nothing really new on the earth. (THE FACT THAT MY KIDS ARE WEARING MOM JEANS BECAUSE THEY ARE BACK IN STYLE IS PROOF TO THIS POINT.)* All the activity of a man during his lifetime is lost in the grander scheme of things and will soon be forgotten (Ecclesiastes 1:11).

To say there is nothing new under the sun does not ignore inventions or advances in technology; rather, these innovations do not amount to any basic change in the world. In Solomon’s time, many advances took place in society, but, from the larger perspective of life, human nature has remained and always will remain the same.

(gotquestions.org) my thoughts added*

Upgrades aren’t going to do it. They never have and never will. 

Ecclesiastes 1:1-11 says:

The words of the Preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem. 2  Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities! All is vanity. 3  What does man gain by all the toil at which he toils under the sun?

4  A generation goes, and a generation comes, but the earth remains forever. 5  The sun rises, and the sun goes down, and hastens[ to the place where it rises. 6  The wind blows to the south and goes around to the north; around and around goes the wind, and on its circuits the wind returns. 7  All streams run to the sea, but the sea is not full; to the place where the streams flow, there they flow again. 8  All things are full of weariness; a man cannot utter it; the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing.

9  What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun. 10  Is there a thing of which it is said, “See, this is new”? It has been already in the ages before us. 11  There is no remembrance of former things, nor will there be any remembrance of later things yet to be among those who come after.   

This blog post would probably win the award for being the “most depressing message” I’ve ever written except for ONE THING.  

The Gospel.

I can’t leave you with the universal bad news without sharing the Good News. 

The Gospel – the Good News of Jesus that rescues us from the tyranny of meaninglessness.

On Sunday, my husband, Mark, was preaching from Luke 18. In the passage, Jesus is on His way to Jerusalem and the cross.  

31 And taking the twelve, he said to them, “See, we are going up to Jerusalem, and everything that is written about the Son of Man by the prophets will be accomplished. 32 For he will be delivered over to the Gentiles and will be mocked and shamefully treated and spit upon.33 And after flogging him, they will kill him, and on the third day he will rise.” 34 But they understood none of these things. This saying was hidden from them, and they did not grasp what was said.

Luke 18:31-38

Imagine. That. Journey. I know if I were facing such a terrible event, I would’ve been tempted to talk myself out of going or made the whole trip about how difficult this choice had been for me. I would want everyone traveling with me to grieve with me and support me and know that I am doing a really great thing – to feel the weight of my sacrifice. Sadly, I would’ve probably been absorbed in thoughts of myself and what lay ahead. 

But that’s not Jesus. In the next several verses, we see Him stop for a blind beggar. This beggar, ridiculed, and ignored by society, cries out to Jesus and captures His attention. Jesus stops.

Why? And why, especially at such a difficult moment? Of course, in the days prior, while Jesus taught on the mount, perhaps that would have been a good time to bless the riffraff. But in His own tribulation, He stops to SEE and SERVE the lowest of the low. Jesus heals him and saves him.

As I meditate on this encounter, I am deeply comforted. His actions assure us that what He was about to do on the cross was for EVERYONE who would cry out to Him and believe.  

Jesus continued on to a cross, a tomb, and a resurrection. He conquered death for you, for me, and every forgotten, despised sinner who would turn to Him.

The Gospel ends all vain pursuits. 

Friend, you can stop looking. Just look to Him. He did it all for you. And, it was a complete work. No upgrades.  

Think about it.  

The Gospel is so complete; no upgrade is needed. No matter who you are, if you receive the Gospel for yourself, you will never need an upgrade. You don’t have to save up money or improve your Klout. You don’t have to “have connections” once you turn to Jesus. You don’t have to make an “in salvation purchase.” NO.

Jesus paid it all.

When you turn to Him, you are immediately brought into the family of God as God’s own child and made a co-heir with Christ. That’s not all. God gives each of us His Spirit within us as a guarantee of our adoption and place in His family.

21And it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, 22and who has also put his seal on us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee.

2 Corinthians 1:21-22

Romans 8:12-17 says,

 12So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. 13For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. 14For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” 16The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

Romans 8:12-17

Friend, how about you? Are you continually seeking the next best thing? Are you looking to upgrade? You don’t have to anymore. Turn to Jesus. He is not the “next best thing.” He is the Eternal Best Thing. He offers you eternal life to you through His death and resurrection.  

This is the Gospel.

And the Gospel has no upgrade.

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A Reminder of Home

On the 26th, I took gifts to my sister’s home and when I arrived I looked out back to see the sun setting in their back yard. I was drawn like a magnet to the window. The scene quickly changed in color and in beauty. The glow on the horizon was other-worldly. The sight of it calmed me and struck me with awe. I whispered to myself, “This is just a glimpse of eternity. A reminder we were meant for more. What a glorious God! You never cease to amaze me!”

With Christmas behind us and a new year ahead, I’ve been thinking. 

You’ve probably seen many memes and heard many a joke about how we should step into 2021 – very carefully! There’s probably some truth to that. 

But aside from the craziness of surviving 2020, I have been pondering two heart issues we should consider – symptoms of a malady we all face.

To be free to explore what God has for us in 2021, we need to be aware of how these two common attitudes can sabotage our ability to follow God without restraint. So what are they?

  • Longing for yesteryear
  • Constantly upgrading

Today I will cover just one of these heart attitudes, and we will catch the other next time.

Longing for yesteryear.

Just this morning, without knowing my blog topic, a friend sent me a photo of our kids together when they were younger. Their little faces were still round and full, babyfaces. Where has the time gone?!  

Her text began,

“Lovely times! Why, looking back, do those times seem so much easier?” 

We all look back fondly on memories. And this is an enjoyable habit when we have the right perspective. But these longings, when not in the proper place, can paralyze us. They can breed discontent. They can cause us to miss the glory of today.

Before I go further, let me check in on you for a moment. How are you feeling? How’s your heart? Are you anxious/antsy to “get this thing started” in this new year? – hoping to iron out mistakes from 2020. Maybe you’re feeling down, longing for the simpler days of your youth. Do you wish you could go back in time to something better than the present?

Holidays often bring out the nostalgia in us—a longing for simpler times. Perhaps a time when we felt safe or loved or happy. Maybe you reflect on an old photograph and have warm feelings about a moment when you weren’t overwhelmed, depressed, anxious, or sad—a time when you were contented. But was there ever such a time?

Was there ever a time when all circumstances were the very best they could be? If there was, I wonder if you were aware of it then. Does the time and place we long for actually exist in our past? I know I tended to be an anxious child at times. I have many fond memories, but I’m not sure my anxious heart took all that goodness in at the time.

It is folly to cry out upon the badness of our times, when we have more reason to cry out for the badness of our own hearts; and even in these times we enjoy many mercies. It is folly to cry up the goodness of former times; as if former ages had not the like things to complain of that we have: this arises from discontent, and aptness to quarrel with God himself.

Matthew Henry

Yet, humanity longs for yesteryear. We get nostalgic. I can’t wait to share with you something I didn’t know before preparing today’s post. Did you know that the word nostalgia comes from the Greek language – nostos‘ return home’ + algos‘ pain’?

HOW FASCINATING! And it makes complete sense!

To escape pain, we long to return home. Nostalgia. 

When did people actually become nostalgic? Ever think about that? Was it the early 1900’s? Earlier? At what point in history was the past so appealing that someone would long for a time before?  

Would you believe that King Solomon, the wisest king who ever lived, warned against nostalgia in his day? It’s been around THAT LONG!

Say not, “Why were the former days better than these?” For it is not from wisdom that you ask this. Ecclesiastes 7:10 

Okay, King Solomon, if it’s foolish to long for yesteryear, what are we to do with this nagging feeling inside?

First, let me tell you two truth’s surrounding the feeling of nostalgia.

  1. We were meant to long for home.
  2. Nostalgia creates discontent. It is just a distorted longing that obscures the God-given one He created in us and for us.  

So, friend, let’s put nostalgia in its rightful place. Nostalgia leads us back to what has already been and cannot help us now. But God leads us to Himself. He intends to fulfill the longing He created in us for home. Confess your temptation to long for yesteryear. Ask Him to help you to let that go. Ask Him to teach you to seek your true home in Him. He delights in doing it!

David understood this. He said,

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Psalm 16:11


How precious is Your loving devotion, O God, that the children of men take refuge in the shadow of Your wings.

They feast on the abundance of Your house, and You give them drink from Your river of delights.

Psalm 36:7-8


There is a river whose streams delight the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells.

Psalm 46:4

Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.

Psalm 73:25


The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.

Psalm 28:7

David knew his home was with God and in God.

Friend, let us meditate on that truth as well. There is no need in looking back when we have so much to look forward to in Him.  

Do you know Him?

My friend, who texted this morning, is a fellow-servant of Christ. She knows this world is not our home. Her fond memories were not distorted in nostalgia. She went on to offer words of encouragement to me, reminding me that God is our strength and to stay the course as we co-labor together for Him. Although we have special moments we reflect on with joy, she knows our fullness of joy is yet to come. We eagerly long for Home.

Do you know that? You can. Stop looking back. Start looking up and find your way home. If you want to know more, please e-mail me at tammy@tammyontuesday.com

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I have a story to tell. I’m not proud of it.

A short while ago, Mark asked if our family could go Christmas caroling to some church family members who have been shut-in for health reasons for months on end. We went caroling last year, and it was a blessing to our whole family to bring some Christmas cheer to others. Everyone agreed.

But this year, trying to coordinate schedules with all four of my kids was a difficult task – everyone going in a different direction. We planned to go last evening, and we knew our time would be limited. This time Abby wouldn’t be joining us. We had to rehearse the songs in the car on the way, which was no big deal. We knew many songs, and Mark and I have always loved to harmonize together. Hudson, Sophie, and Bianca would sing the lead. It would come together as it did last year. So we thought.

Our problems started when we couldn’t find a key that pleased everyone.

We’d begin a song, and quickly it would fall apart. Mark and I struggled with the harmony parts, and an argument broke out. “You keep singing my part!” We went back and forth. He thought we needed to change the key, and I thought the key was fine.

The kids had a front-row seat as we “disagreed very loudly.” I blurted out, “I’m not practicing. We’re just gonna have to wing it!” Obviously, we both wanted the caroling to be special, but this display in the car was anything but “special.”

In frustration, after what seemed like an endless moment of silence, Mark began to sing in hopes that we would join in. I didn’t.

I’m not proud of it. Even in the moment, I felt like a jerk. I wondered, “What in the world is going on here? How did things fly so out of control? How can God even bless this mess? Why can’t I just humble myself and comply?”

I knew I needed to soften my heart and follow his lead, but I wanted to stand my ground. The kids sat quietly, not sure what to do. Should they sing or not? I felt a heavy tug of conviction.

It was as if the Lord said,
“You can have your way, or you can honor Me by honoring Mark. Think of the message you are sending your kids. Is this an example of My design for marriage and your role as Mark’s wife?”

I immediately knew I should apologize, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was still digging in, wanting to have my way.

The realization hit me. We would be there any minute – TO CAROL mind you – and I was grumpy! The whole car seemed to follow suit. I decided to take a deep breath and warm up as we pulled to the curb in front of the first house.

How would we pull this off? How could God bless anybody after all that?

I whispered a quiet prayer and asked God to forgive me. We ran through a few songs and opened the door. As we visited from house to house, I watched Mark bring words of comfort and encouragement to each family. He prayed for them, and then we sang. While we sang, God ministered to me. I could hear my kid’s voices. I thanked God they were there and that they were singing. He helped me to see it all with His eyes. He took my mind of myself and my insistence on having my way. I began to think about the lives of those we visited and the challenges they’ve been facing. I wondered how I should have done things differently and how I could’ve blessed Mark instead of arguing with him. It was such a silly argument.

As the night went on and we visited house-to-house, our spirits became light. We laughed and enjoyed our brief time with the families we visited. But I wondered, “God, are you pleased? Can you bless the efforts of a once grumpy caroler?” I continued to repent quietly in my heart.

Last night, I went to bed, and I still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was left undone. When I awoke this morning, it was still there.

“You need to apologize to Mark.”

He won’t care. It all worked out. He will probably even say, “That’s not necessary.”

“Do it because it pleases Me. Do it because it’s part of repentance.”

OK. I will.

I apologized to Mark, and even after all these years, the words felt like they were coated in super glue. I could barely get them out of my mouth.
He graciously accepted my apology. Then he apologized for his frustration because of my reluctance.

I felt an immediate weight lifted.
But my thoughts continued to turn in my head.

“You need to apologize to your children. Not for Mark’s sake, for their sake. Let them know that the way you acted as a wife last night was not how I designed a wife’s role to be lived out.”

“But God, this isn’t the first time I’ve acted foolishly. In fact, I tend to speak too quickly and complain too much in general. Will it make a difference?”

He continued to press in. I couldn’t get away from the fact that I don’t want my girls to learn it’s OK to disrespect their husbands if they feel they have good reason. I didn’t want Hudson to think my behavior was OK or right either. It’s never too late to speak the truth. And I’m not foolish enough to think they weren’t processing all of it and storing it away. Kids are like sponges. I knew speaking the truth and apologizing to them was important and would be a deposit into their hearts.

So I apologized to them as well. Following His prompting has filled my heart with joy. The burden is gone and a small victory has been won.

But why am I telling you all of this?

Because this is about more than just an argument with my spouse. As a Christ-follower, God calls me to holiness, and this is a story of what pursuing holiness looks like in the day-to-day. Moments like these in our lives matter to God. Not just the ministry moments or the mountain top moments. Every moment.

The bottom line is, I want to be holy.

Whether I’m caroling or doing dishes, teaching, or parenting, I want my life to be marked by holiness. Why should I pursue holiness?

God is holy.

God’s holiness is more than just His perfection or sinless purity; it is the essence of His “other-ness,” His transcendence. God’s holiness embodies the mystery of His awesomeness and causes us to gaze in wonder at Him as we begin to comprehend just a little of His majesty.

gotquestions.org

This is my God! He is awesome and worthy of glory and praise. He is wonderful and awe-inspiring. As His child, I can exhibit His character and holiness in a dark world.

Sound impossible?
It is. Except for one thing.
God’s Spirit in us.

In the New Testament, we find the holiness of God’s people in Christ through the cleansing of the Spirit. “We are writing to the church of God in Corinth, you who have been called by God to be His own holy people. He made you holy by means of Christ Jesus” (1 Corinthians 1:2).

Oh, that we understood the blessedness of saying: “Be holy
because I am holy’ (1 Peter 1:16). For this purpose, the triune God
has revealed Himself to us, through the Son and the Holy Spirit. Let
us use the word “holy’ with great reverence for God, and then with
holy desire, for ourselves. Bow before God in holy fear and then, in complete faith, pray this prayer of promise: “The God of peace make (me) holy in every way…God, who calls (me), is faithful; he will do this” (1
Thessalonians 5:23-24)

– Andrew Murray

God’s Spirit wouldn’t let me go. He would not stop pressing in until I dealt with the matter. Until I repented and obeyed. That’s how His Spirit works in us. To convict and instruct, to comfort and encourage.

So, how do we seek to be holy? Practically. By responding to His Spirit and repenting of our way and our flesh every day.

“Throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.

Ephesians 4:22-24

I’m not sure who needs this today. Maybe it’s just a good reminder to me—something I need to write down and not forget.

I don’t want to be a grumpy caroler. I want to be a holy one.
“Lord, help me to please you each day, in my heart and actions. Help me to lead others to You by living a life of obedience to Your will. Amen.”

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He has put eternity into man’s heart. Ecclesiastes 3:11b

One of my biggest problems with shopping at Christmas time, beyond finding the time to do it, is the temptation to buy gifts for me to me. 

Merry Christmas, Tammy!

I have a confession. I went out to buy a gift for a staff gift exchange, and it’s sitting on my desk in my office. Why put it in the pile of presents and have to fight to get it back when I could just skip all that stress and keep it? True story! 

You know what I’m talking about. While shopping for Christmas, you can find all kinds of things you didn’t realize you needed. Things that would make life so much easier, better. Right? But after a short time, those absolute necessities become just things you’ve acquired. They get old.

I know myself! 

And yet, I come up with the same result EVERY TIME. Things don’t make me contented and fill me with joy.  

THINGS DON’T MAKE ME CONTENTED AND FILL ME WITH JOY.  

Amusement? Maybe

Temporary ease/convenience? Sometimes

But nothing I have ever bought has truly satisfied me in the long run.

It’s taken me a very long time to begin to understand where my true joy and contentment lie. You’re saying, “This is where Tammy will interject that true contentment comes from God.”

Well, I wouldn’t say it exactly like that. I’d say, “True contentment comes from knowing and enjoying God.”

Over many years, I’ve slowly begun to understand how knowing and enjoying God go hand in hand. I’ll give you an example.

Since childhood, I thought, since God was holy and perfect, I must clean myself up before I could ever seriously expect Him to enjoy me. And if that were the case, it would be a really long time before I could enjoy Him. Sure, He saved me, and I have an eternal home with Him. But I had a job to do, an endless job. I had to show God how obedient and thankful I was for this gift.

What I found was that perfection was an unattainable standard. Hence, I didn’t enjoy my walk with God a lot of the time. Don’t get me wrong. There were moments where I felt God’s pleasure. But, usually, that was after a long streak of faithful quiet times and godly living. The tension was real, and, oddly enough, I didn’t see the error in it.  I didn’t know God the way He wanted me to.

HOWEVER, as I continue to study God’s Word and learn more about who He really is, and by His power – I have been able to shed that endless quest to earn His favor and delight. My perception of God for a long time has been clouded by flawed human understanding. But steadily, the clouds are breaking.

God’s Word is food for my soul. His truth is my delight. He has done this work in me, and it continues. I’m grateful that He who began this work in me will be faithful to complete it. (Phil 1:6)

Can you believe that I’ve found the dilemma of a distorted view of God can be tied to impulsive Christmas buying?

Why? 

If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.

C S Lewis 

We weren’t made for this world. So nothing it offers can fill our deepest longing and deepest need.

The wisest man who ever lived, King Solomon said, He has put eternity into man’s heart. In other words, we long for things eternal. We were designed by God as eternal beings.

In every human soul is a God-given awareness that there is “something more” than this transient world. And with that awareness of eternity comes a hope that we can one day find a fulfillment not afforded by the “vanity” in this world.

Got Questions

John Piper puts it this way, “Man’s chief aim is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.”

Enjoy God?  

Be satisfied in God?

We cannot be fully satisfied here because we were made for eternity?

That’s what I’m telling you today. Yes, friend, yes! Eternity with God.

Piper said of this gift, “The supreme demonstration of God’s love was the sending of his Son to die for our sins and to rise again so that sinners might have the right to approach God and might have the pleasure of his presence forever.

Christmas is only days away. Maybe you suffer from “post-holiday blues” syndrome – an actual condition. Maybe you become nostalgic at Christmas time and long for yesteryear when times were simple and love was pure. Maybe you make unneeded purchases in an effort to fulfill a deeper need.

You don’t have to. Go to God. I remember a line from an old movie that oddly enough comes to my mind when I think of how best to describe my growing enjoyment of God. 

It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together, and I knew it…It was like coming homeonly to no home I’d ever known. 


Sam Baldwin, Sleepless in Seattle. 

But how do I start enjoying God? I wish the answer was a simple 3 step process or a book. “Just read this, do these things, and all will be well” because we like the microwave results. However, like every relationship, knowing God takes time.  

Don’t fret. Want to know what you can do? 

Ask God to show you Who He is.  I mean it. Ask Him. Ask Him right now.

He will answer your prayer! And He will give joy in knowing Him that can start today. You won’t have to wait to enjoy God. Even if it starts small, your joy will grow as you grow to know Him. That’s a promise.

So when you buy that next gift from you-to-you. Ask yourself, “Do I need this? Or am I attempting to fill a deeper longing in me?”

Gifts are not bad. Unwrapping a present will always be exciting to me. But I know the truth.

I know The Truth.

And I enjoy Him deeply.

As I close, I will share what I jotted in my journal just yesterday.

God is beyond my comprehension in beauty, power, love, and awe. He created me to enjoy all things through Him and because of Him, in Him, and for Him. My gravest mistake is to seek to enjoy anything apart from Him. That is because the most meaningful part is missing, the part that my heart truly longs for in my desperate search for meaning – God Himself. 

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A few days ago, I found myself in a heartwarming conversation with a young lady who recently lost her beloved mother. She told me, at first, she struggled with anger toward God. But while mourning her mom’s death, God made Himself very real to her and overwhelmed her by His love and personal care. This kind of joy and peace, in the midst of tragedy, can only be found in the Lord. He knows how to comfort us. She told me she never experienced God in such a real way in all her life as she has through this deep dark valley. Before this, she felt she had a distorted view of God.

While she talked, my mind drifted back to a time I experienced my own deep pain. I recall sitting on the floor of my bedroom, praying through my tears. I call it praying, but it was more like pouring out my complaint and sadness to the Lord. It was a time in my life where, even with many loved ones around me, I felt very alone. Frankly, I felt God had let me down.

God and I had a deal. I would serve Him and do what I thought a good Christian should do, and He would take care of the things that mattered to me. He would guard and protect me. But here I was in pain and tears on the floor. This was not part of the deal! God had broken His promise. Hadn’t He? Why had God dropped the ball?

I cannot recall how long I sat crumpled on the floor. But as I sat there,

God. Drew. Near.

He ministered to me. I will never forget this encounter. I think of the verse,

He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.


Psalm 147:3

He. He was the one who came to me that day.

What happened next really surprised me. My human mind would expect that God would envelop me in love and say the equivalent of “There, there. Everything will be okay.” But that’s not exactly how it happened.

Instead, I began to feel a deep pang of conviction. There in that quiet moment in my room, while I wondered, “God, why me?!” God drew near. His presence illuminated my heart and exposed the real problem, a deep seed of pride. Looking back, it doesn’t surprise me that I would feel so exposed. the Bible says,

God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.

1 John 1:5b

It only made sense that as God drew near in His perfect love, He would also come in light, and sin cannot hide from His light.

I was so eaten up with pride; I didn’t see the forest for the trees. For the very first time IN MY LIFE, this “good Christian girl who never really did bad things” realized that Jesus had to die for MY SIN on the cross. For the first time, I understood the cross was for me. Ironically, at that very same moment, I felt deeply and completely loved.

How was it that I could feel such solemn rebuke and such deep love at the same time? It seemed to be a paradox.

Scales fell from my eyes, and my heart responded in immediate repentance. I began to realize God had used this circumstantial pain to set me free from a great evil that hindered the close walk with Him I desired to have and prayed for often. Repentance filled my heart with overwhelming joy.

God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.

James 4:6b

I have often looked back at that moment with awe. I’d call it a spiritual surgery. It was painful and beautiful. It was a catalyst for much growth and freedom for me. I am still astounded at how God could convict and love, both to the seemingly deepest degree, all in the same moment. I learned, in a very personal way, more about the God that I serve. Something I never knew before. He loved me too much to leave me where I was.

He loved me too much to leave me where I was.

I also learned that, for a long time, I had been serving a god of my own making. Yes, I did a quiet time. But often, I felt a sense of obligation to do it. I served God, so I felt He owed me for doing my part. While searching the scriptures to grow in my faith, I tended to miss what God wanted to reveal to me about Himself because I was often looking for how it could bless or help me.

Since that experience, I have been learning to go to God’s Word:
Not to find solutions.
Not to find “God’s will for my life.”
Not to find victory, comfort, peace
(although they are all there)

I go to find God.

I want to take you back to the conversation with my young friend. I encouraged her that night to continue to seek the Lord in His Word. “Find out what He says about Himself and draw close to Him. You will find wonderful discoveries about Him, too many to count!”

I told her, “As you study God’s Word, you will replace faulty thinking about Him with the truth He tells us about Himself.”

Then the words tumbled out of my mouth, “The more time I spend seeking Him, the less time I spend serving the wrong god.”

The more time I spend seeking Him, the less time I spend serving the wrong god.

Wait. Was that true? What I just said?

In short, yes! When I don’t know God as He reveals Himself in His word. I am serving the wrong god. I realize it will probably be a lifetime of discovery as I seek God in His Word and replace faulty thinking with the truth of Who He is. As I do, I will enjoy Him in greater and deeper ways. Isn’t it crazy to think that we may be passionately living out our lives with a notion of God that is simply not true? Friend, we can KNOW HIM!

He tells us who He is in His Word – the Bible.
There you will find joy and freedom and, most of all, a God who longs to show Himself and His faithful love to you.

Do you know Him? Or are you serving the wrong god?

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:13
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