It will probably take a lifetime, but God continues to teach me that I can commit my children to His will and way and TRUST HIM to do His good work. He amazes me with the stories He writes.
I’ll be honest, I have often said,
- Wait, God! I have a better idea here.
- Why would You choose this difficult path for my child?
- Could pain and tears ever be a good thing?
- What about success? What about excelling? Don’t you want that for my kids?
- How about I step in here and tell them what to do?
- Can I give You a little assistance and help Your plan along?
I’ve said all of these and more. I PROFESS that I trust God and want His plan for my children. But often, my actions speak something else. One thing I’ve learned. God requires my complete surrender to allow Him to work. He created my children. He knows best. And at times, He gently points out where I’ve taken the wheel and forced my own plans into the storyline. That’s when things get messy.
Trust me! I have had many a talk with the Lord about things I don’t understand. Watching God work my children’s lives has been painful at times. The way has been perplexing to me. But, in it all, I have learned time and time again that it’s His way that I want, not mine.
Not long ago, I shared with the ladies from our church that my son Hudson is in the last semester of his freshman year at college. It’s been a challenging year – being eleven hours away from home, ina new environment, on his own, during COVID.
Recently Hudson was approached by a gentleman looking for counselors for a summer Christian sports camp. He met and interviewed Hudson and felt he would be an excellent fit for the program. Saying yes would mean Hudson would spend his summer in western Pennsylvania. At the end of their meeting, the man told Hudson he would be sending an application to fill out.
Hudson called and told us all about it. I could see how God might be shaping him for just such an experience. Hudson loves sports. He has a heart for the underdog. He’s learned so much and grown in his faith. He wants to impact others for the Lord. The camp would provide an excellent opportunity to grow in every area of his life. But it would mean he’d be away from us this summer. I don’t like that. Am I willing to continue to give my desires up for God’s plan? I know the answer. Yes, I would want him to pursue what God puts before him. The path ahead seemed clear to me. But could Hudson see it?
After that conversation, I found myself asking every time I spoke with Hudson,
“Hey, did you fill out the application?” – “No, not yet. It’s long.”
“How’s the application coming?” – “I’ll do it tonight.”
“Do you know when they need the application submitted?” – “Not sure.”
Over a week past and I noticed he called and texted less and less. I realized he didn’t want me to ask him about the application. I wasn’t sure what his hesitation was. I mean, it’s simple. Just fill out the application. It doesn’t mean you’re committing to the job. It’s just a step in a direction. But it drug on and on.
Frustrated with the whole situation, I realized I was forcing my hand in Hudson’s story, and I committed to stop asking. I prayed and rolled the burden over on to the Lord. “God, why do I foolishly think I must add a little bit of elbow grease to what You are already doing. Please show me my role in Your plan and stop me from hindering it.”
This past weekend, Hudson surprised me and flew home for a few days. I was elated. AND SURPRISED. Mark and I were on our way home through Philly on Friday and he said he didn’t feel well and wanted to stop at a restroom somewhere. The only thing we could think of was baggage claim at the Philly Airport since he wasn’t sure where to find a bathroom off the exits in Philly. Seemed reasonable to me. I circled the terminal in the car while I waited. It was all a set-up! Somehow Mark got it on camera!
I was so thrilled to have my boy home for the weekend! While in the car on the way home from the airport, Mark said, “Hudson, whatever happened with the application?” He was genuinely curious. Hudson said, “I just haven’t filled it out yet.” I bit my tongue.
Then I felt a prompting. I said, “Hudson, I know God will direct you, whatever you decide. Know that we don’t expect you do any particular thing. All we want is for you to follow the Lord. We trust His plan, and we know you can too.”
No cajoling.
No interrogating.
The conversation ended.
The weekend flew by. Hudson would fly out Sunday evening, but that morning, while at church, I stepped into my office for a few minutes. I grabbed what I needed and glanced to see a book sitting on my desk that I actually bought for Hudson a little over a month ago. I had been meaning to send it but never did. I felt prompted to pick it up and have him pack it in his bag when he left.
PINIMAGEYesterday, Hudson texted me. He said, “Guess what? I finished the book already.” I was pleasantly surprised. We had a great conversation about it, and I could see his wheels were really turning. I asked him what his biggest takeaway was.
Looking back, I have NO DOUBT that God had this book sitting on my desk, ready for an important moment in Hudson’s life. A few hours after our text conversation, Hudson called. He said, “Mom, I loved being home, and I love being with our family. I even miss it all when I’m away. But I feel like God showed me while I was there that there is nothing there for me right now. I don’t want to come home for the summer and look for odd jobs to make a little money when I can do something with meaning. This camp seems like a great way to grow and to help others.”
He filled out the application last night.
Done.
Now, do I know the next step? Of course not. But here’s what I do know. I asked God to guide Hudson. I asked Him to impress Hudson to fill out the application. God was answering all along. It took a surprise visit home to bring Hudson to the realization of what he needed to do.
I think I tend to pray about things and expect a straight line from point A to point B.
“God, please prompt Hudson to fill out the application if this is Your will.”
I think what I meant was, “I will pray and then You will nudge him and before the night is over the application will be completed.”
Days passed before the answer came. But He was answering all along, not by forcing Hudson’s hand but by changing his heart. These things can take time. Regarding filling out the application, it took 19 days…but who’s counting.
“God, please work!”
“God, please guide.”
“God, what are you doing?”
“What I do best.”
It will probably take a lifetime for me to learn to let go and let God, but every time I do, He proves His faithfulness. I encourage you to seek the Lord for the lives of your children. Surrender ALL to Him and His way. Follow Him even when it’s difficult, or unappealing, or scary. He is doing a good work, and you can trust Him. So, let go (STOP TRYING TO CONTROL) and let God (THE ONE WHO CREATED YOUR KIDS) direct your kids.
He who began a good work is faithful to complete it. Philippians 1:6
April - I STRUGGLE WITH THIS!!!! I went through a time of what felt like mourning because my kids don’t really need me anymore and trying to figure out (still haven’t) what my role is. My son hasn’t found his true place yet and he struggles with full surrender to the Lord. I find myself all the time telling him what he can and cannot do. It’s hard to let go and watch them fall. I need daily reminders to take it all to God because I am too quick to say things. It is a hard walk. My kids are 18 1/2 and almost 22.
Thanks for sharing this!