PINIMAGEI have a story to tell. I’m not proud of it.
A short while ago, Mark asked if our family could go Christmas caroling to some church family members who have been shut-in for health reasons for months on end. We went caroling last year, and it was a blessing to our whole family to bring some Christmas cheer to others. Everyone agreed.
But this year, trying to coordinate schedules with all four of my kids was a difficult task – everyone going in a different direction. We planned to go last evening, and we knew our time would be limited. This time Abby wouldn’t be joining us. We had to rehearse the songs in the car on the way, which was no big deal. We knew many songs, and Mark and I have always loved to harmonize together. Hudson, Sophie, and Bianca would sing the lead. It would come together as it did last year. So we thought.
Our problems started when we couldn’t find a key that pleased everyone.
We’d begin a song, and quickly it would fall apart. Mark and I struggled with the harmony parts, and an argument broke out. “You keep singing my part!” We went back and forth. He thought we needed to change the key, and I thought the key was fine.
The kids had a front-row seat as we “disagreed very loudly.” I blurted out, “I’m not practicing. We’re just gonna have to wing it!” Obviously, we both wanted the caroling to be special, but this display in the car was anything but “special.”
In frustration, after what seemed like an endless moment of silence, Mark began to sing in hopes that we would join in. I didn’t.
I’m not proud of it. Even in the moment, I felt like a jerk. I wondered, “What in the world is going on here? How did things fly so out of control? How can God even bless this mess? Why can’t I just humble myself and comply?”
I knew I needed to soften my heart and follow his lead, but I wanted to stand my ground. The kids sat quietly, not sure what to do. Should they sing or not? I felt a heavy tug of conviction.
It was as if the Lord said,
“You can have your way, or you can honor Me by honoring Mark. Think of the message you are sending your kids. Is this an example of My design for marriage and your role as Mark’s wife?”
I immediately knew I should apologize, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was still digging in, wanting to have my way.
The realization hit me. We would be there any minute – TO CAROL mind you – and I was grumpy! The whole car seemed to follow suit. I decided to take a deep breath and warm up as we pulled to the curb in front of the first house.
How would we pull this off? How could God bless anybody after all that?
I whispered a quiet prayer and asked God to forgive me. We ran through a few songs and opened the door. As we visited from house to house, I watched Mark bring words of comfort and encouragement to each family. He prayed for them, and then we sang. While we sang, God ministered to me. I could hear my kid’s voices. I thanked God they were there and that they were singing. He helped me to see it all with His eyes. He took my mind of myself and my insistence on having my way. I began to think about the lives of those we visited and the challenges they’ve been facing. I wondered how I should have done things differently and how I could’ve blessed Mark instead of arguing with him. It was such a silly argument.
As the night went on and we visited house-to-house, our spirits became light. We laughed and enjoyed our brief time with the families we visited. But I wondered, “God, are you pleased? Can you bless the efforts of a once grumpy caroler?” I continued to repent quietly in my heart.
Last night, I went to bed, and I still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was left undone. When I awoke this morning, it was still there.
“You need to apologize to Mark.”
He won’t care. It all worked out. He will probably even say, “That’s not necessary.”
“Do it because it pleases Me. Do it because it’s part of repentance.”
OK. I will.
I apologized to Mark, and even after all these years, the words felt like they were coated in super glue. I could barely get them out of my mouth.
He graciously accepted my apology. Then he apologized for his frustration because of my reluctance.
I felt an immediate weight lifted.
But my thoughts continued to turn in my head.
“You need to apologize to your children. Not for Mark’s sake, for their sake. Let them know that the way you acted as a wife last night was not how I designed a wife’s role to be lived out.”
“But God, this isn’t the first time I’ve acted foolishly. In fact, I tend to speak too quickly and complain too much in general. Will it make a difference?”
He continued to press in. I couldn’t get away from the fact that I don’t want my girls to learn it’s OK to disrespect their husbands if they feel they have good reason. I didn’t want Hudson to think my behavior was OK or right either. It’s never too late to speak the truth. And I’m not foolish enough to think they weren’t processing all of it and storing it away. Kids are like sponges. I knew speaking the truth and apologizing to them was important and would be a deposit into their hearts.
So I apologized to them as well. Following His prompting has filled my heart with joy. The burden is gone and a small victory has been won.
But why am I telling you all of this?
Because this is about more than just an argument with my spouse. As a Christ-follower, God calls me to holiness, and this is a story of what pursuing holiness looks like in the day-to-day. Moments like these in our lives matter to God. Not just the ministry moments or the mountain top moments. Every moment.
The bottom line is, I want to be holy.
Whether I’m caroling or doing dishes, teaching, or parenting, I want my life to be marked by holiness. Why should I pursue holiness?
God is holy.
God’s holiness is more than just His perfection or sinless purity; it is the essence of His “other-ness,” His transcendence. God’s holiness embodies the mystery of His awesomeness and causes us to gaze in wonder at Him as we begin to comprehend just a little of His majesty.
gotquestions.org
This is my God! He is awesome and worthy of glory and praise. He is wonderful and awe-inspiring. As His child, I can exhibit His character and holiness in a dark world.
Sound impossible?
It is. Except for one thing.
God’s Spirit in us.
In the New Testament, we find the holiness of God’s people in Christ through the cleansing of the Spirit. “We are writing to the church of God in Corinth, you who have been called by God to be His own holy people. He made you holy by means of Christ Jesus” (1 Corinthians 1:2).
Oh, that we understood the blessedness of saying: “Be holy
– Andrew Murray
because I am holy’ (1 Peter 1:16). For this purpose, the triune God
has revealed Himself to us, through the Son and the Holy Spirit. Let
us use the word “holy’ with great reverence for God, and then with
holy desire, for ourselves. Bow before God in holy fear and then, in complete faith, pray this prayer of promise: “The God of peace make (me) holy in every way…God, who calls (me), is faithful; he will do this” (1
Thessalonians 5:23-24)
God’s Spirit wouldn’t let me go. He would not stop pressing in until I dealt with the matter. Until I repented and obeyed. That’s how His Spirit works in us. To convict and instruct, to comfort and encourage.
So, how do we seek to be holy? Practically. By responding to His Spirit and repenting of our way and our flesh every day.
“Throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.
Ephesians 4:22-24
I’m not sure who needs this today. Maybe it’s just a good reminder to me—something I need to write down and not forget.
I don’t want to be a grumpy caroler. I want to be a holy one.
“Lord, help me to please you each day, in my heart and actions. Help me to lead others to You by living a life of obedience to Your will. Amen.”
