Did you ask yourself this question over the weekend? Did you assess the celebration or lack of it on your behalf and wonder…”Maybe I stink at being a mom.” I’ll admit, the thought crossed my mind a few times. We woke up and Mark headed out the door leaving me a beautiful card and gift. My oldest, Abby, also made me a thoughtful card that was sitting on the island in the kitchen. But the other three kids under my roof? Well, let’s just say it wasn’t all butterflies and roses. The morning got off to a grumpy start for them and frankly I think Mother’s Day was probably the last thing on their mind. But, before we get too hard on ourselves, I want to share with you an observation I made this morning while considering a blog post I wrote 5 years ago when my oldest, Abby, was just a tween. Today Abby is almost 17 years old. She is a beautiful, thoughtful, caring daughter. I love watching her grow even though it hasn’t always been an easy road. Just last week she attended prom and I was taken back by the wonderful young woman she’s become!
You know what, friend? The truth is there was a time I wondered and even feared what the future would hold for her. I think we do it with all our kids. Fear and worry still try to creep in to my parenting. I have to fight it off!. (Not to mention, now I have my hands full with two more tweens and a 15 year old son to parent.) I read a quote recently that has been a great reminder. “Worry is the result of calculating without God.” When we navigate through the many decisions of parenting, let’s not forget God! I hope this post I wrote 5 years ago encourages your heart.
Originally posted June, 2012:
Just last night Mark and I sat on my bed having a long discussion with our “tween”. With sixth grade over and seventh on the horizon, she’s…well, for lack of a better word, changing!
People warned me about this but here we were in one of our first major “junior high” pep talks. It was evident as the conversation went on that, in her mind, we would come out looking like the “bad parents”.
As we addressed our concerns, Abby’s words came out like “rapid fire” from a semi-automatic weapon…
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Why?!
What’s the big deal?!
Who cares?!
Why do you always lecture me?!
Why is it okay for everybody else?!
I was taken back that our once laid-back, easy going little girl now had a look of defiance in her eyes. Reeling from the irony of the whole situation, I kept hearing in my mind…
”Over load! Over load! System failure. Does not compute.”
I mean…what WERE the answers to all of her questions?! Did I even know? It was obvious the token response…”Because I said so!” was not going to fly.
During our conversation a prayer was constantly running in my mind.
“Lord, help us! We need your wisdom! What’s the right word for this moment? Help us get through to her on this!”
And, I can tell you, God is faithful just as He promises to be. He calmed my mind and gave me a solid ground to stand on. We weren’t going to win this battle by trying to convince her she was wrong and we were right. His encouragement to me was to change my perspective in this heated debate.
Stop focusing on Abby in this situation…and focus instead on truth.
In focusing on Abby, I found that I worried about the wrong issues…
Will our reprimand make her angry?
What if she ignores us?
What if we are creating a barrier?
What if she thinks we are “bad parents”?
This type of thinking would not only get us nowhere, but it also had no promise of peace or resolve for us. We had to stop being reactive and become proactive. There was only one way to help Abby make the right choices and weave her way through the mine-field of junior high. It was to set our eyes on the truth and point her to truth as well.
The Bible (Life’s Handbook as it is often called) was where we turned.
The truth was clear:
We want to raise Abby…
- to love others – 1 John 4:7
- to avoid slander and gossip – Proverbs 11:13
- to turn the other cheek – Matthew 5:39
- to seek to know the Lord – Isaiah 55:6
- to avoid selfish desires – James 3:16
- to live her life on purpose – Col 3:23-24
As we shared truth with Abby, we began to feel the confidence that what we were doing was right regardless of how it was received. From her body language we wondered if we were even getting through at all. But, we knew we were anchoring ourselves in truth. No more being tossed to and fro!
Now, I’d love to tell you that after expressing these truths to Abby, we all broke into a song from “The Sound of Music” and danced around my bedroom in harmonious laughter. That didn’t happen.
No, I’m pretty sure we are still probably the “bad parents” in her eyes. But that’s okay. With constant prayer and a diet of truth, we trust God will do a work in Abby’s heart that we cannot. We plan to take it one day at a time.
Once I settled into bed and began reflecting on what had just occurred, I was drawn to a familiar passage that reminded me that God DOES have encouragement and instruction for ALL of us in EVERY situation. God offers encouraging truth even for me as parents to keep me from losing heart…
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. 3 John 1:4
The beauty of standing in the truth is that even though results may not seem instant, even though you may not be able to know the outcome from where you stand, you can count on the truth to protect and guide you and those you love.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:5
Wherever you find yourself today, God can give you sure footing. Whether it’s parenting a tween or facing some other challenge, go to God’s Word. Anchor yourself in the truth. Maybe your focus has been on the issue far too long. Maybe it’s time to lift your eyes from your struggle and fix them on the truth. Stand on the truth. Plant yourself there and let God do the rest.
