I wrote this blog in the fall of 2012. It’s a story about my son Hudson who is now 14 years old. He was 10 years old at the time. I look at my son and see how God is taking such good care of him, how he is growing into a young man (notice he is about as tall as Mark now), and I’m struck with a sense of awe for who God is and how He is always at work in our lives. This picture here is from our recent baptism at LifeHouse Church. Hudson participated, telling others he wants to follow Christ. I hope this post encourages those who have children in rough seasons of life.
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This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4
“Mom, I don’t like school. I don’t want to go today.” It was just ten minutes before we were to leave for the bus stop and Hudson, out of nowhere, says he doesn’t want to go. “Why do we have to go?”
“Because it’s the law, Hudson. All kids have to go to school.”
I know he wasn’t satisfied with my answer but he turned and walked out. I understand his apprehension. Life is a schoolroom and sometimes I want to ditch class. Especially when the tests are hard…and especially when they involve my children!
Exhibit A:
Just a month ago, when school began, Hudson’s year got off to a bad start. You’ve gotta understand. Hudson is pleasant and witty – a relatively easy child. But, he’s had a rough few weeks. On his second day riding the bus, Hudson told me another student was making fun of him. We found out the boy was teasing several children on the bus and, thankfully, he was reprimanded. Several days later, just a week in to school, Hudson’s bus broke down on the side of the road. They waited there for almost 45 minutes for another bus to arrive and take them home. Needless to say, Hudson asked if we could drive him to school for the rest of the year. That’s just not an option.
However, in my mommy heart…I wanted to. In fact, I even began to think of ways it might be possible to car pool. I hated seeing Hudson upset like this. Isn’t this where good mommies jump in and take care of the situation. Shouldn’t I relieve this discomfort he is facing?
But I stopped to ask, “Is that the answer?” I decided to pray for God to show us what we should do and thankfully, in just a few days, things began to settle down on their own.
After the bus issue began to work itself out, I noticed Hudson was coming home stressed from school. He said his teacher yelled a lot. Well, I know his teacher (she was Abby’s teacher in 5th also) and she’s a great teacher who happens to be a no nonsense kind of lady. Hudson is a good student who is eager to please, so I wondered what he meant by “yelling a lot”. Come to find out, there are kids in his class that need extra discipline and attention. With the school year just underway I was sure she was establishing boundaries but it became apparent he would get uneasy when she would address any misbehavior in her classroom.
I needed to fix things for Hudson. Maybe he should be in a different class with a soft-spoken teacher. It’s so hard to see him struggle when I know all he wants to do is his best. Maybe I should call the school and see if they would switch him to another classroom.
Instead, I prayed and ask God for wisdom and then decided to meet with his teacher. She graciously heard my concerns about Hudson’s sensitive nature and told me she has worked with kids like Hudson over her 20+ years of teaching. She helped me understand that this happens to be a very important developmental age and one of her objectives is to see students like Hudson grow in responsibility, character and independence. I caught her passion and saw that she was not being uncaring. She had her own way of drawing kids out of their shells so to speak. I came home from school realizing I could help her in this endeavor…and that doing so was imperative. And I prayed some more. This time, I began to pray with Hudson about school and his classroom situation – that God would guide and protect him.
In time I felt we had found our rhythm and it would be smooth sailing. But, I was wrong. A couple of days after my visit with Hudson’s teacher I was sitting on the bleachers at Hudson’s second baseball game of the fall season. He’s played just two seasons so far and has been building his skills from game to game. Hudson got up to bat and the pitcher threw a wild pitch. The ball hit Hudson right below the rib cage and it knocked the wind out of him. I could see the immediate fear on his face as he gasped for breath and the coaches all came running. He fought back the tears and the team cheered him on. For the rest of the game, he seemed to shake it off but he was not about to forget it.
I sat there thinking, REALLY? What’s next? God, do You see this?? Is this really happening? How can I protect Hudson from any more disappointment and hurt? Isn’t that what parents do?!
Everything Hudson had been dealing with began to take a toll on him. I noticed that he had begun to have stomach issues. There were days he’d wake to stomach pains and cramping. He’d missed the bus and I would rearrange my plans so that I could take him to school. At his games he would begin complaining again about his belly and run off the field to the safety of the port-a-potty. The thought of batting gripped him with fear. I realized that the stomach issues were definitely stress related and not knowing how to treat them, I took him to the doctor.
I thought to myself, “I bet if we allow him to quit baseball he’d not be anxious anymore.” Just saying the word “quit” made me feel uneasy. I wasn’t a parent who insisted on my kids being good at sports. I just wanted to give him the opportunity to be a part of a team and be around boys for a change. But is that what is best for Hudson?! Am I a bad mom if I make him continue? What will it benefit him if he quits?
I prayed and begged God to help us. I asked Him to show me what to do…what was best for Hudson. While we visited the doctor, she told me his anxiety issues were very common. In fact, she said, he was actually handling them well by not shutting down but facing the things that made him anxious. She assured me that through this process he would learn that the things he’s anxious about are not reasons to worry. She also told Hudson it’s important to finish what he started. She told him his team was counting on him. Together we told Hudson he could finish out the season and should he decide baseball is not for him, he doesn’t have to signup next season. He seemed very pleased with that decision.
The doctor treated his stomach issues and thankfully he is not experiencing the pain anymore. He’s had two games since his doctor visit. And before each one, I have reminded him that all I care about is that he does his best, supports his team and finishes strong. On game days, I notice that he begins to think about the fear of being hit again by a wild pitch. Throughout the day, he gets edgy and pensive. I pray for him and remind him that God will give him the strength to do what he needs to do and that I am cheering for him. I remind him to pray to, as we so often have lately, for God to give him peace when he feels anxious.
The first game he got up bravely to bat and struck out swinging. I couldn’t have been more proud of him. In fact, a couple of boys on his team were hit by the ball that night. I saw a boy crying on the bench and Hudson walked over to him and told him he understood how he felt. It was neat to see him relating to someone else in their time of need! The second game (just this week) was against the same team whose batter hit him with the ball a few short weeks ago. When we arrived he broke down in tears in the dugout and I began to pray and pray. I went over and tried to talk to him and calm his fears but I couldn’t. I realized there was nothing I could do. So, I went back to the bleachers, texted 4-5 friends and asked that they would join me in praying for my sweet boy. Then I watched. I watched as he pulled himself together. On his own accord, he went to the coach and said that he was ready to bat when his turn came. He courageously walked to the batters box and… as much as I’d like to say he hit a home run, I can’t. He struck out. In fact, he didn’t even swing (although I believe the last pitch was way to high and outside!). But guess what? He stood. And frankly, that’s all I care about.
There were times I wanted to let him quit. I wanted to make things easy for him so that he wouldn’t have to be afraid. But had I let him, I would not have seen him return to the batter’s box!
As we walked to the car I praised Hudson for his courage. I told him I was proud he did his best. And then, in silence, I thought of how I’m just like him. This is OUR lesson. I’m not hitting a home run at this parenting thing. I’m no Babe Ruth when it comes to this game called “Life”. To be quite honest, there are times I want to run and hide in the port-a-potty until the trouble passes. But with God at my side,
I WILL get up to bat!
Throughout the past month, Hudson and I have talked often about how life is full of troubles and challenges. We’ve prayed together more than ever. I’ve prayed for him and with him. And I’ve encouraged him to pray.
I remind him of Phil 4:13 – “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”
We are both learning here – facing our battles and our fears with courage. It’s been a hard lesson. I haven’t felt the pressure lift either. Hudson has four more games. We have not yet “put our pencils down”. But we are facing each day,
and each hurdle with prayer and confidence in our God who hears and cares! He is working a plan for Hudson’s good…for my good! I’d appreciate your prayers too.
Lying in bed last night I remembered an old familiar story. I thought to myself, “That’s it! That’s what it feels like God is doing here.”
The Lesson of the Cocoon
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly.
One day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no further.
So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.
What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been; we could never fly.
My prayer and confidence is that someday…we are both going to spread our wings and fly because I know that all of this – all that we have been going through – is for our good. Romans 8:28 says,
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”
