Well, today’s the day. This is the official day when Mark can be declared “Over the Hill”. He has hit the 40 year benchmark. Yesterday, my kids made him some cards and I was curious as to what they would write. What I read in the cards were words of honor and blessing. It confirms the lesson God has been teaching Mark and I since the day we said “I do.”
Thinking back over our 15 years of marriage I recall coming into this union with my own “bag of tricks” – tools for coping and thriving in life. Whatever challenge I faced, I knew I could go there and find the proper tool for getting to the end I desired. Mark also had his “tool box” for crisis management and daily maintenance. We learned very early on that what we had in our bags didn’t create a harmonious household. It created havoc most of the time.
Thinking back, I remember one of our very first big arguments. I don’t remember what it was about but it was a big one! I quickly went to my bag of tricks and pulled out the ever reliable “cold shoulder”. This tool was always effective and I knew it was what was needed for the job. I decided, since Mark clearly wasn’t seeing things my way, to leave and go to the mall without explanation. Maybe his time in the deafening silence would teach him a lesson. Plus, I was sure he would be worried sick not knowing where I was and when I’d be home. After some time wandering the mall, I went back to our apartment. To my surprise, he wasn’t pacing the living room in a panic. He was in the kitchen and seemed quite content with his time of solace. FAIL! I learned over the early weeks and months of our marriage that the “cold shoulder” might as well be tossed into the garbage. It didn’t work any more! That was just the beginning!
You know, you would think that as the years passed, we would accumulate new tools for our arsenal. But what’s interesting to me is that the longer we are together, the more tools we remove. In fact, life and God have a funny way of bringing you low. He has shown us that we don’t have what it takes. There was nothing in my “bag of tricks” that was reliable and fail proof! Coming to that realization was a gift really. I began to realize He is all we need. ALWAYS! Not only that, but by living out life with God’s provisions of wisdom, mercy, grace and love, Mark and I realize we are now going to the same place for tools to manage our lives. It has created a harmonious atmosphere in our home.
I was a fool to think that I could manage all the moments in life as a wife, mother, and friend with my little “bag of tricks”. Thankfully now, I know what James 1:5 says, “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” We are learning to admit our faults – especially to our children. We are learning instead of demanding our way or defending our case, to consider each other.
Philippians 2:3 says, “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.”
Luke 11:28 He replied, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.”
James 4:10 “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.”
When it comes to advice for a healthy marriage or good parenting or whatever else…one thing’s for sure. We got nothin’ in our “bag of tricks”. We’ve simply found the beauty in knowing God and letting Him be our “All in All”. And, when it comes to gifts for Mark’s birthday, I’m pretty sure he’d agree he feels like a rich man and has need of nothing. One of his favorite verses is “The blessing of the LORD makes a person rich, and he adds no sorrow with it.” Proverbs 10:22
Knowing God gives us reason to celebrate now and every day we live!
Todd - HAPPY BIRTHDAY to a wonderful man of God!
As I Soon approach fatherhood….I will skip the bag of tricks and lean on Christ for help!