PINIMAGEJust last night Mark and I sat on my bed having a long discussion with our “tween”. With sixth grade over and seventh on the horizon, she’s…well, for lack of a better word, changing!
People warned me about this but here we were in one of our first major “junior high” pep talks. It was evident as the conversation went on that, in her mind, we would come out looking like the “bad parents”.
As we addressed our concerns, Abby’s words came out like “rapid fire” from a semi-automatic weapon…
Why?
What’s the big deal?
Who cares?
Why do you always lecture me?
I was taken back that our once laid-back, easy going little girl now had a look of defiance in her eyes. Reeling from the irony of the whole situation, I kept hearing in my mind…
”Over load! Over load! System failure. Does not compute.”
I mean…what WERE the answers to all of her questions?! Did I even know? It was obvious the token response…”Because I said so!” was not going to fly.
During our conversation a prayer was constantly running in my mind.
“Lord, help me! We need your wisdom! What’s the right word for this moment? Help us get through to her on this!”
And, I can tell you, God is faithful just as He promises to be. He calmed my mind and gave me a solid ground to stand on. His encouragement to me was to change my perspective in this heated debate.
Stop focusing on Abby in this situation…and focus instead on truth.
In focusing on Abby, I found that I worried about the wrong issues…
Will our reprimand make her angry?
What if she ignores us?
What if we are creating a barrier?
What if she thinks we are “bad parents”?
This type of thinking would not only get us nowhere, but it also had no promise of peace or resolve for us. We had to stop being reactive and become proactive. There was only one way to help Abby make the right choices and weave her way through the mine-field of junior high. It was to set our eyes on the truth and point her to truth as well.
The Bible (Life’s Handbook as it is often called) was where we turned.
The truth was clear:
We want to raise Abby…
- to love others – 1 John 4:7
- to avoid slander and gossip – Proverbs 11:13
- to turn the other cheek – Matthew 5:39
- to seek to know the Lord – Isaiah 55:6
- to avoid selfish desires – James 3:16
- to live her life on purpose – Col 3:23-24
PINIMAGEAs we shared truth with Abby, we began to feel the confidence that what we were doing was right regardless of how it was received. We knew we were anchoring ourselves in truth. No more being tossed to and fro!
Now, I’d love to tell you that after expressing these truths to Abby, we all broke into a song from “The Sound of Music” and danced around my bedroom in harmonious laughter. That didn’t happen.
No, I’m pretty sure we are still probably the “bad parents”. But that’s okay. With constant prayer and a diet of truth, we trust God will do a work in Abby’s heart that we cannot. We plan to take it one day at a time.
Once I settled into bed and began reflecting on what had just occurred, I was drawn to a familiar passage that reminded me that God DOES have encouragement and instruction for ALL of us in EVERY situation. God offers encouraging truth even for me as parents to keep me from losing heart…
“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6
Wherever you find yourself today, God can get you through. Whether it’s parenting a tween or facing some other challenge, go to God’s Word. Anchor yourself in the truth.
PINIMAGEMY CUP OF TEA
Today I want to share a favorite I’ve used for years! Tweezerman Tweezers. Occasionally I’ll reach in to Mark’s toiletry bag for a pair of tweezers in my bathroom and make attempts to successfully use them. After using Tweezerman Tweezers, I wonder how any other type of tweezer leaves the store shelves. Not only do they work fantastic, but you can send them to Tweezerman to be sharpened free of charge. Comment on today’s blog and be entered to win your own pair of Tweezerman Tweezers. I know you’ll love them!
And the winner to this week’s blog post drawing is…Chris O’Donnell, chosen by random generator! Congratulations Chris! We will get your Tweezerman Tweezers right out to you!
Dianne Hammock - Tammy, it seems hard to believe Abby is a tween! I can remember caring for her in the ICN as a newborn. You and Mark are doing a wonderful job, and I am sure God is smiling on you both as you want so much to direct yur children in His path. Debby and I have often said that when one is invited to a baby shower, a set of knee-pads should be the appropriate gift. Our children are such a gift, and blessing from above, but do require being on the knees quite often!!! Keep up the good, but challenging work. We miss you all in Lynchburg!
Blessings,
Dianne Hammock
Jennie - Oh my gosh, did that hit home!! We need to always remember to be anchored in the truth!!
Tabatha Beam - I soooo know what you are going through.My oldest is 18 and is graduating tomorrow and boy nothing pepares you for that change from high school to independence. We just had a talk about the beach and mixed company. Did I mention I also have another 2 teens (16 & 14), 1 that is days shy of turning 13, and 1 that is 12 1/2. I needed that reminder about training the child. It def can get challenging sometimes and you just need to hear the stories of others to encourage you that you aren’t alone.Thanks!
Heather Pancake - Thank you so much for such great words of wisdom. My son is a tween right now so I plan to use these words this summer before he enters 7th grade.
Pamala - My three children are grown now. They are 34,32, and 24. My middle and youngest were never a problem, the oldest is a sundayschool teacher, and my youngest, our worship leader,but my oldest, that’s another story. I never understood why this happened when they were all raised the same. He left on his own and did drugs drinking and has full sleave tatoos. But he has a wonderful heart. He is now slipping in church for the sermon(in the back) and has been reading his Bible and praying. He talks of God all the time. I truly believe in “Train up a child” and never be afraid to make them mad at you. I was what they called a “tough love” parent, and I don’t regret one minute loving my children even when they didn’t understand “why” at the time.
Chris - Oh how I can relate to todays blog Tammy. In the midst of raising 3 girls, 1 teen and 1 tween (and 1 I’m just refusing to let grow past 10 years old) I sometimes feel overwhelmed and just plain worn out, ready to throw in the towel. But I know this is all part of the process and that the real issue is my childrens hearts. I can point them to God and His truth’s, but ultimately, only He can truly change their hearts. Thanks for sharing Tammy, and hang in there sister. God will be faithful to finish the good work He began in our children!
Kristi - This was encouraging to read, Tammy. The Lord has really been speaking to me along these lines lately. Thanks so much for being God’s voice to me today 🙂
Katie - Great message to hold on to the truth!
Fran - Thank you once again Tammy for sharing a great blog just when I needed it the most!!!!!
Marti vanVeen - You will do fine! We had these same discussions with our 3 children! God works in you for them. Love your blogs!
Devon - How does time get by us so quickly…wasn’t it just yesterday we were rocking them to sleep and smelling their sweet baby heads..fresh out of the “tubby”? Thank you for sharing these verses with us today. Thank you for reminding us to turn to the Word for the truth..no matter where we are in life or what struggles and or trials we are facing.
Melody Green - Thanks for sharing Tammy. I dread the day my girls are “tweens”. Abby will be glad to know one day that she had Godly parents who cared enough about her to give her a talk that would be easier for them to let go because of not being “comfortable”.